TRAVELING IN THE WILDERNESS
enfolding my walking stride in warmth
I’m surrounded by a vivid presence
the world fetching fresh and fascinating
I have set out now past noonday
the joy of discovery always palpable
when traveling in the wilderness
my senses saturated and alive
there falls a deep satisfaction
that permeates this afternoon
my soul is full my mind is clear
my heart bursts — overflowing
I journey until dusk descends
heady with wondrous expectation
my stride is smooth and steady
into the golden downing sun
early shadows fall soft upon me
as vesper’s velvet blanket
drapes ’round my shoulders
splendid calm envelops me
yet there are other shadows
strange distractions
that disrupt my moments
they come quite unannounced
with still far to go
I am eager to journey
drawn by the beauty
the rising moon in sunset
into the evening breeze
I venture onward
vivid ambers and corals
spread across the horizon
again the shadows shift
dull confusion finds me
I lose my pace and focus
to draw up momentarily
nagging concern
disquiets me
a stab of panic
pierces my solace
bewilderment grips
holds me
uncomfortably
I must return home
a cloud of frustration
sweeps over me
obscuring briefly
my destination
then the fog wafts
and again I see
across the veiled valley
my hearth & home
but I wander
again I lose the path
as the mist settles
like a shroud
twilight is coming
much too quickly
and my concern
mounts gravely
a gathering fear
gnaws inside
I’ll not make home
before this night
I am afraid
to lose this light
I am afraid
to lose my way
I am afraid
this wilderness
I am afraid
rob kistner © 2020
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I wrote this piece to reflect the very early stages of Alzheimer’s, when the individual is not certain what is happening, and has not yet been diagnosed – but is beginning to become concerned, and the fear begins to rise. In some ways, this is the disease at its most devious. It is manipulating the person, yet they’re not aware what evil is overtaking them.
This piece seeks to emphasize that devious nature. Alzheimer’s is a sneak thief that subtly begins to disrupt our daily life, and steal pieces of time, creating a fractured reality — that gradually grows more and more unsettling. It then begins to rob us of our life-learned skills, our talent, our grace, and our dignity. Finally it kidnaps our memories, our loved ones — and then takes our life.
The stanzas here gradually diminish in size to reflect the diminishing nature of this killer. Bless all those stricken with this monster.