This piece deals with the strange duality we all carry with us through life, the unique contradiction between the person we think we are, and the “many” varying persons others perceive us to be, from their experience of us, as filtered through their differing individual perceptions. Fair or not, convenient or not, we are “judged”. Our lives are impacted, to one degree or another, every day by how we measure up to each of these interpretations of the “I” we are thought to be. This includes the “I” we perceive ourselves to be. Which one is real? Which is valid? Or is any one of them truly definitive? The phrase “I am” presents a fascinating philosophical quandary.
”Ask not, who are we — existentially, we are me.”
When another
tells you of yourself
you’re shown the dance they see
your outward choreography
they hear not the music
that rings true within your mind
that leads and drives your steps
to your inward dance — they’re blind
others see a reflection
not the light that shines inside
that illuminates your soul
to guide your steps and stride
so, are we the “I” we know
the self that we so treasure
or are we in fact — another
the one the others measure
if the authentic “I”
be the one outward shown.
then we are in fact — the “I”
to ourselves — not known
for surely when compared
the majority story shared
is of the outward other
the one seen by another
and so we live our life
cloistered in this outward other
and live this life alone
even when by many known
for the “I” that’s outward shown
is likely the “I” that’s not our own
to be truly known is an unlikelihood
we are all so easily misunderstood
*
rob kistner © 2022
Poetry at: The Sunday Muse
“cloistered in this outward other
and live this life alone
even when by many known
for the “I” that’s outward shown
is likely the “I” that’s not our own”
Strong philosophical writing.
Hope you enjoy wrapping your brain around it Shawna.
I really resonate with this poem, Rob. I feel largely unknown by my family – better known by those who read my poems. They come from deep within, as do yours, so I think they reflect us more accurately.
I often wonder if I have ever truly been known Sherry. I feel I have been liked, even loved — but truly known, I don’t know… I am not even sure how to make myself fully known, because to do that I would have to have a deep understanding of myself. Problem is, my self changes, evolved, as I move through life. So which cross section of my life do I cleave out and present as “me”? I have delved deeply into my 75 years, and I can clearly identify 14 different Rob’s spread over my lifetime. They are not disconnected, and I am aware of them all. There are even those who have known different iterations of me. Some people have only known one or another of my “selves”. If you would ask them to describe me, the descriptions would be different — and they would all be accurate in their context… so it is on authentic to say I have been each, and all, of the many. Reality is really hard to grasp. Not hard to maneuver through, just hard to grasp — because of the scale of a life. Even a small life has multiple iterations, and when we are absorbed in any of the iterations, that is genuinely who we are, at that point in time. So some who might describe me in that iteration, they would be right, to the degree it is filtered through their personal perceptions. So there are many, and each is accurate. There is rob the singer in many different types of bands over many years. There is rob the home theater designer. Rob the marketing analyst for Lucas-film, rod the artist rob the contemporary furniture designer — and I could go on and on — and they all would be real, and they all would be me. It’s existentially a mind fucker. But fascinating as hell to really wrsp your head around it.
I have saved this to “my faves” … for posterity. Even a small life has multiple iterations, and when we are absorbed in any of the iterations, that is genuinely who we are, at that point in time! Sigh, sigh, sigh.
It always showed up for me that way Helen. The guy I was during my years of making music, or designing high-dollar home theaters, or traveling the country for Lucasfilm Ltd., — those Rob’s are nothing like I am today, and I truly wouldn’t really know how to do/be what I did/was then. They feel like totally different people. Hell, like somebody else’s life. They exist only in my memory.
No introduction needed, the poem speaks firmly for its own.
When I was young someone told me we humans play different roles in our lives. Some even change in the moment. Walking in the dressing room as a grey shy girl, putting on my ballet gear and being happy on stage as a balletdancer.
¨ The world is a stage….”
Talking with a buddhist monk I was trying to grasp in words the “me” I feel as the real center of them all.
He started laughing, the more I found the contradictions in myself. “So that’s not the core of you…as you are one.”
He had me struggle until I said: “But I feel me!!! I feel the quiet rest in me…. I have no words.’
Then he explained that words represent reflection…distance… The real me can’t get a description.. It can only be sensed… It’s at another level of being.
That’s why just being in time and place is so important…
Yes, I agree, that is our personal experience of our “me”, and that evolves as we grow in age and wisdom — and we will always “sense” that ever-evolving “me”. And it is through that evolving “me” that we interact with the world. And we bring that ever evolving “me” into each and every different time and place we occupy. I don’t know how old you are? But regardless, the “me” you sensed at 10 years old is different from the “me” you sensed at 18, and at 30, and other points through your life, impacted by your compounding experiences, and the wisdom and/or attitude you developed up to each of those points of time and place. In my case, at 75, I have had many points in time and place I can recall, when I know my sense of myself had evolved — and each valid in that particular point. Add to that, people’s impressions of my/our “me” that they interpret, from our interactions with the world, are as varied as the unique “filters” each have available to them, based on their personal evolutions through time and space/place. What we must own, is that our effectiveness in the world, is directly impacted by the combination of our personal “me” and the myriad interpretations of our “me”, by the individuals we come in contact with, in every time and place. It is therefore prudent to remember this as we exist in this world, as a “reality check”. Remember this, not to change the sense of who we are, but to realize that every other person sees us differently, to some degree, based on who they are. In each time and place, we are both the “me” they are manifesting, AND the “me” we sense personally. All those different “me’s” come into play each moment of time and place — so all of those “me’s” impact our finite path through this world, because we do not exist isolated in a vacuum. So it is important to understand this, so we can be effective at living, without losing our way — or sacrificing who we are in each moment of time and place. So when we say or do something we personally “know” inside our “me”, is the right thing,, and someone else doesn’t understand how we can think that way — remember one thing impacting this in a big way, is this conflict between who we are, functioning while influenced by our personal “me”, and who they think we are, based on their interpretation of the “me” they believe us to be. We must own both. We have no choice. But understanding this may allow for some peace of mind, and make us a better contributor to this world. Of course, this is all my personal opinion… 😉
“for the “I” that’s outward shown
is likely the “I” that’s not our own”
Indeed! I am somewhat absorbed with the concept of otherness myself, both culturally and in terms of all the different hats we wear in life and how all our “i’s” manifest. Enjoyed reading your take, Rob! 🙂
Pleased this resonated for you Sanaa… 🙂