I have a friend of many years, who received this same diagnosis as author Terry Pratchett. When I came across this sobering headline above, it put me in mind of my friend.
Inspired by Terry, I wrote this poem remembering my friend, caught in the horrible grip of Alzheimer’s
enfolding my waking in warmth
and vivid presence
the world fresh and fascinating
I embark toward noonday
the joy of discovery palpable
senses saturated and alive
blissfully consumed
by a deep satisfaction
that permeates this afternoon
my soul is full my mind is clear
my heart — overflowing
as dusk descends upon this place
with heady grace and expectation
my stride is smooth and steady
the downing sun — a gentle gold embrace
early shadows fall soft across my face
as vesper’s velvet blanket
drapes its comfort ’round my shoulders
splendid calm envelops me
yet there are other shadows
strange distractions
that disrupt my moments
they come unannounced – almost imperceptible
but there is still far to go
I am eager to journey
drawn by the beauty
that is the rising moon in sunset
facing into the evening breeze
I venture onward
rolling amber and coral
spreads across the horizon
again the shadows shift
dull confusion finds me
I lose my pace and focus
to draw up in momentary halt
nagging concern
disquiets me
a stab of panic
pierces my solace
unwelcome bewilderment
grips me
holds me
uncomfortable in my skin
a cloud of frustration
sweeps over me
obscuring briefly
my purpose and destination
then the fog wafts
and again I see
across the veiled valley
my hearth & home
but I wander
and once more lose the path
as the mist settles
like a shroud
twilight is coming
much too quickly
and my concern
at first a nuisance — mounts
a gathering fear
gnaws inside
fear I will not make it home
before this sunset
I am afraid
to lose this light
I am afraid
to lose my way
• • •
rob kistner © 2009
• I chose to write this piece to reflect the very early stages of Alzheimer’s when the individual is not certain what is happening and has not yet been diagnosed – but is beginning to become concerned, and the fear begins to rise.
In some ways, this is the disease at its most devious. It is manipulating the person, yet they’re not aware what evil is overtaking them.
This piece was written to emphasize that devious nature. Alzheimer’s is a sneak thief that subtly begins to disrupt our daily life, and steal pieces of time, creating a fractured reality — that gradually grows more and more unsettling. It then begins to rob us of our life-learned skills, our talent, our grace, and our dignity. Finally it kidnaps our memories, our loved ones — and then takes our life.
The stanzas are of gradually diminished size to reflect the diminishing nature of this killer •