~ Inspiration: living in the Pacific Northwest, part of the Pacific Ring, knowing we are very susceptible to a first strike — this awareness, and the instability on the Asian Continent, combined with these ‘4’ juicy quotes I used, proffered by Linda, drew this out. ~
When did it happen
the all-defining fire mark in time
that forever divided then from now
alone again today
lost in time
walking through the forest
wading the stream
sorting my thoughts
obsessively
recalling in horror
the instant of the startling sound
the strange light
that drew my disbelieving eyes
to the very tops of these Douglas Firs
that surround me now
and then came the second blinding flash
lighting the entire sky
“oh my god” I had gasped
“the damned fools have finally done it”
I was traumatized
by the horrible realization
she trembled
as we held each other
I thought of the future
and spoke of the past
terrified of the present
what a fool I was
what really did I know
of the times
that bookended my life
or in which I was currently immersed
knew little useful
and understood less
I was feeling old
and so unaware
I’d become obsessed
always staring into the clouds
mumbling beneath my breath
it’s better to look at the sky
than live there
such an empty place
so vague
just a country
where the thunder goes
and from which death rains
more than obsessed
I was becoming untethered
maybe the older you grow
and the less easy it is
to put thought into action
maybe that’s why
it gets all locked up in your head
and becomes a burden
makes you crazy
and angry
and I certainly was
seeing clearly my uncertainty
feeling the weight
of my growing pessimism
she left me
I just stood
mute
watching her go
civilization now in upheaval
infrastructure has collapsed
I am isolated here now
wandering
day after day
alone
very alone
home is where you feel at home
I’m still looking
since she is gone
it’s been too long
since I have seen a human face
or looked into another’s eyes
looked into her eyes
or even found my voice to speak
but it’s really of no matter
is it
what can possibly be said
*
rob kistner © 2022
Poetry at: dVerse
more poetry at: earthweal
