Portals (a rock fable)

Hmmm…

excuse me please
do you perhaps see these
they are portals of perspective
doorways that reflect
back to my history

doorways lookin back
to my life on stage
to my wilder ways
to my rock and roll days

their truths now memories
they sometimes feel hard to know
clouded like mysteries
the veil of years has fallen low

I remember the feelings though
the hard work and the joy
the dreams and the uncertainty
the egos and petty jealousy
the intoxicating spotlight
the drug that was applause

and there is always the music

in the light and in the dark
in the heat and in the cold
in the calm – in the chaos
in the coming — in the leaving
in the joy — and in the sadness
…there is always — the music

these doors of memory
bring it all back for me

they open on the freedom
and the boundless energy

they link back to the me
and to my star struck band
we believed the glowing dream

when the door to that dream — stood ajar
and that glow seemed not too far

we knew it only ever shone on very few
so we did everything that we could do
we even stood briefly in that light
as our dream started comin’ true

can still see the ole’garage where we honed it
sweatin‘ til we were good enough
that we unfolded it on stage
man—we definitely owned it

and we were — damned good enough
we had our chops down right
playin’ it night after night
and we kept our shit totally tight

rollin’ from gig to gig
in a beat up chevy van
playin hard to show the A&R man
that we kick’d it every night

we laid it all out at our gigs
we was workin’ hard to make the bigs
developing the aura of rock stars
playin’ it out in bigger’n’bigger bars

we rocked it nightly
we rolled it mightly
our fans got to know
we had an ass kickin’ show
a loyal following that liked us

eventually we opened for the big names
and we weren’t playin’ fun’n’games

we really ripped and rocked it
played clean — tight in the pocket
we was soarin’ like a rocket
hurtling toward that dream

we’d become rock band authentic
our live shows — fierce and frantic
we got real fuckin’ good
n’played only our own tunes

we played the road like warriors
never let the audience down
always working to build our “sound”
dreamin’ of that rock-fame honeymoon

finally — we got our first big break
we put everything we had at stake
this was our shot at fame and glory
the shot we felt destined we would take

well that shot drug on
for several years
several unfulfilling years
of disappointment and tears

we hung in there quite a while
evolved through several iterations
we developed a helluva style
but there were too many damned frustrations

and like a sad’ol broke down story
we never quite grabbed the fame’n’glory
though we reached strong to try’n take it
in the end — we didn’t make it

all our dreams of glory
and of that glowing rock star fame
well — it all went up in flame

my life moved on
and it was a good life
blessed with children
and now a good wife

my life still had its share of adventure
but when those rock star dreams were shattered
when I thought that was all that mattered
when I was sure I could never forget
all the disillusionment and regret
those were bitter tears I cried

but now lookin’ back
I’m damned proud of us

though in the end
we didn’t make it
at least we tried

*
rob kistner © 2021

Poetry at: The Sunday Muse