This song by Sarah McLachlan, “In The Arms Of An Angel” always makes me break down. She was my son, Aaron Robert Kistner’s favorite vocalist. He listened to her “Fumbling Towards Ecstasy” album all the time. He said she had the most beautiful voice on earth. Hearing this song takes me deep into memories of my sweet angel. My son Aaron died in his 18th year, just prior to entering college to study music. He was a very handsome, kind, and gentle young man – and a fabulous singer. I miss him so, everyday. My arms ache to hold him close just once more. Here is a poem I condensed today, from a much longer version I wrote immediately following his tragic death in a horrible auto accident.
the one I cherish most since your passing.
A simple snapshot,
taken at the airport,
upon your return
from having run the New York City Marathon.
A gentle, triumphant smile,
eyes beaming behind those “way cool” shades,
jacket sleeves rolled in casual hip-ness,
bag thrown so carefree over your shoulder,
medal dangling proudly from your strong neck.
The victor: gentle, cool, hip, carefree, proud, and strong,
— fiercely handsome!
How profound this captured moment proved to be.
Taken just before the finish line of your 18 years,
it said it all.
Your race is run,
your bag is packed,
your reward’s in hand.
Fly my sweet angel – fly!
rob kistner © 2019
For more tears at dVerse:
Hi! I’m Edgrrr, rob’s shih tzu.
It is the saddest thing for a parent to outlive their child, Rob, and a brave thing to write about it in this way. I love the way you describe him, which exudes so much love for your boy.
He is my oldest son Kim, and the first of my children to journey beyond this realm. There is a special place in my soul, filled with only love for him – and there he lives ever present to me, my forever 18-year-old son.
Wow–you’ve talked a bit about Aaron, but this poem gets to me; your joy and sorrow are poetic pallbearers, and my tears join your own, where water comes together with other water, where brotherly souls intertwine beyond the veil.
Thank you Glenn. I feel and appreciate your caring heart. My son Aaron remains such a bright light in my life. He was absolutely magnetic. People of all ages gravitated to his presence, and he was comfortable and fluid with every age. He was so special I like to think he was given the gift of passage out of this place before it began turning into the miserable shithole it is becoming.
Beautiful remembrance. I especially liked these lines: “Your race is run,
your bag is packed,
your reward’s in hand.”
He is my angel Frank.
What a wonderful tribute to a beautiful soul, for he had you as a father. My. heart goes out to you Rob.
That you Linda!
Rob, I am so sorry for your loss. I enjoy that song and her others as well. My son’s name is also Aaron.
Thank you Crystal!
Wonderful tribute, Rob, and immensely sad at the same time. That Sarah McLachlan album was one of my daughter’s favourite albums at one time and is a sound track to a lot of memories.
Thank you Jim. Beautiful album, by a beautiful women, with a beautiful soul, and an amazing voice.
Glen said it well … a loving tribute to your special angel snatched too young. But he lives on in your heart forever young showing us that death will always come …
We all move on eventually Kate, but love keeps my Aaron alive vividly in my heart.
Honestly, I can feel his magnetism through this photo. My mother’s heart is broken and my eyes are welling up for you. I have six children and I can’t say I lay awake worrying, but they are always on my mind, always praying they are safe, healthy … and I cherish every minute our whole family gets together… oh this song… I’m an emotional wreck tonight. Hugs.
Aaron is vividly alive in my heart and memories. We can do all we can Margaret, but in the end, we are not in control of fate. Love them dearly, tell them frequently, and try never to part on an argument.
Beautifully Sad Rob. This one brought tears to my eyes as I read and listened to the angelic voice. What a beautiful son!
He is my angel Dwight.
Heartbreaking. There is so much going through me right now as I try to condense it all to little avail. That your son loved her voice, that she sang “pulled from the wreckage”, that he was a musician, that angels are sometimes the only comfort… This song is a gift to you. I’m sad you lost your son so suddenly.
Have you ever heard a song Sarah McLachlan sang with the group Delirium, called ‘Silence’? Give it a listen, if you get a chance. Also, there is a blogger named Gene Kiepura who wrote a book ‘Back to Tonic’ about his reconciling with losing his 14 year old son on a mission trip to Mexico. Maybe it would be good for you to connect?
And thank you for sharing your heart with us and the love you have for your handsome son. Indeed, fly my angel, fly!
You are welcome. Aaron remains vividly alive in my heart Amaya. I will find that song and give it a listen.
Ironically, not only have I heard “Silence”, I own the album “Karma” by Delirium. I have nearly 1,000 CD’s, and had forgotten. For years I collected jazz, and what I referred to as elevated substantive New Age music. I googled the song and discovered I had the CD. Good stuff!
Rob, it is so clear you’ve communed with Aaron through this photo. Your love for your son jumps off of the page. I’m so glad he lives there in your heart so vividly <3
Forever in my heart Jade, my beautiful forever-18 angel!
It is a privilege to share your words of tribute. To listen to the song and honour your son. I let the tears come as I read your stanza ….
Your race is run,
your bag is packed,
your reward’s in hand.
Thank you Benita!
I can’t imagine the depth of your sorrow, Rob. It is one of the must unnatural things of all for a parent to outlive a child. A courageous and moving poem.
Thank you Jane. It is my living love that I still feel with my Aaron. He blessed the lives of all knew him. I am especially blessed. I am his father.
A sorrow beyond words and yet you expressed this tribute so beautifully, Rob. The song and poem moved me to tears…
I feel no sorrow any longer Lynn. I feel love filled with our lives together. He is still vividly present for me in memory.
Beautiful and full of love. Thanks for sharing.
Ou are welcome Astrid.
I love that song, it is truly moving, but for you it is much deeper and personal, and the back story and poem made me tearful. Beautiful though sorrowing.
The initial grief has blossomed to a beautiful place of love and gratitude in my soul. He is ever present in my heart Paul.. I still shed tears at times but tears of love and remembrence. He lives forever as my angel of 18.
Your love shows in your poem, Rob, and poem and song compliment each other in a way that is hard to capture.
The song and my many pictures of my Aaron together open the brightest portal I have to visit with my son Ken. His spirit, love, joy, the sound of his beautiful voice, and his beauty live forever in me. His time here on earth was gigantic. Only his temporal body has made the journey beyond, to the next energy, so he lives with none of the pain or shackles of this earth!
What a beautiful tribute to your son. I can’t imagine the pain, and I admire how you have turned it into beauty. The song is perfect.
Thank you Kerfe, the intensity of the grief is what gave birth to an everpresent bright joy I have in all that my Aaron is within me. It is a sweet, wonderful reality of a boy that truly lived larger than life in all he did, of all those he youchef and elevated in his 18 year journey here. That is not somethimg to sorrow over, it is something to be joyous for. It took a number of tears and years for that light to finally come on, that vivid realization of his life with me – but that is now mine forever, and my boy is on to his next energy, beyond mortal suffering.
Tears in my eyes, Rob. No other words necessary…..such a profound loss.
….and I forgot to add…..the qu
otation from Gibran that Amaya included in her prompt is such an important one:
“When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart and you shall see that in truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” And then the joy is remembered and felt.
I appreciate your seeing that Lillian. I embraced rhat quotatiom immediately upon reading it. It describes perfectly where I have come to since Aaron journeyed on to his next reslm of energy. The tears that come for me in recent times are wonderful, warm, almost ecstatic tears of vivid remembrance of my angel Aaron. They are not grief any longer. They are welcome when they come. They serve to grow his ever-presence in my soul, in my heart, more and more. He is alive there, my “forever-18” angel!
Thank you Lillian!
So very very sad… and I remember listening to that record all the time as well… for me… the favorite song of someone passing is really what would make you cry.
Thank you Bjorn! But they are not tears of sorrow any longer. They are deep tears that I treasure. They stir powerful, visceral emotions, that bring me closer and closer everytime to my memories of my sweet Aaron. He is very much alive in my soul – my forever-18 angel.
Oh, Rob, my heart is broken for your loss. What a beautiful tribute you’ve penned here!
Thank you Frank. My memories of my Aaron are all sweet and gentle these days, keeping him alive in my heart
Rob, this is a profound elegy, the details of an image brought from where they have wrapped around your heart. I am grateful that you have shared this very personal space with us, as your son’s verve and joyfulness is palpably felt in them. We would not trade in our loves to assauge our grief, but the grief is deep. Be well.
Thank you Lona! Aaron is with me for my life, beause he is alive in my heart and soul.