Author’s note: Below are two pieces that deal with anger. The first is my attempt to define the essence of anger. As I dug down examining anger, what surfaced for me was to see it from the love perspective. The second piece is a raw, unfiltered expression of anger. Both of these pieces were written a few of months after my son Aaron was killed. I was trying to understand the anger I was feeling, as it was shockingly intense, and foreign to me.
Anger
•
love
crying out
to be understood
so loudly
that it cannot hear
frustrated
that its capacity to feel
is far greater
than its ability to express
…
rob kistner © 10/25/95
_____________________________
Primal
•
i remember well the day he died
the searing pain
that fueled my rage
setting fire to the skies
primal power
giving life to sorrowed hatred
sustaining me no food or sleep
while i cursed the cruel heavens
in ringing spite that toppled mountains
and leveled to despair
every mocking face of care
reaching out to touch me
saying how they understood
they sure as hell — did not
or they’d have never gotten near me
they’d have given me vast berth
for all i wanted was to strike them
make them scream
make them hurt
i would have given him my life
with little thought have taken yours
for if my son could no longer live
nor would anyone on this earth
…
rob kistner © 9/29/95
Oh, dear. There’s now a tightness in my chest after reading this. *sniff* I have never been ‘there’ and yet I feel the hurt; I shall say no more. *hug*
Soulless –
It took a number of years for the anger to completely settle, but now I have sweet memories of Aaron.
Thank you for your kindness.
I cried when I read about Aaron’s death in your profile. Hugs to you and your family.
To read these primal and poignant expressions of your feelings, reminds me of when anger hit me unexpectedly about a year ago, for a different reason, but also about my child of about the same age. How I wish you and yours had not suffered this needless tragedy!
(On a different note, since there is no comment area in your profile, I’m delighted to have come across your blog from seeing your comments on my creative net friends’ blogs. I’m a visual artist in several medium who also loves to write poetry. Music plays a major role in my muse, expression, and more. I’m looking forward to discovering your blog and soaking up the creativity from other members of your family as well!
Gel –
Thank you for your thoughts!
I now have sweet memories of my Aaron that keep me company, and keep the sorrow in check most of the time,
I hope the matters that caused the anger to which you referred, nave been resolved, or at last understood — so you can be free of anger.
I was quite shocked when it boiled up inside me so intensely — it isn’t in my general nature. It is extremely poisonous to the soul.
________________________
Changing directions here, I am pleased you discovered Image & Verse. 😉
It’s my little expression of self, and my vehicle to say hello to, and share with, the world at large — as may find their way here. It is also a remarkable tool to help me remain sane, and keep my heart and soul elevated above sorrow and frustration.