•
we were beautiful
as a painted egg
smooth couple
balanced relationship
bright and colorful
lovely to behold
at arm’s length
but we grew hollow
superficial
fragile
brittle
too easily crushed
and once so
forever broken
no over-lacquer
of sustained love
to add substance
no second coating
of genuine honesty
to insure strength
we lost
the tender brushstrokes
of the heart
• • •
rob kistner © 2010
Ah those tender brushstrokes of the heart. I use a roller myself.
As usual, a delightful piece Rob with an intriguing extended metaphor.
never truer words penned. Love is a delicate egg. Without honesty…there is nothing. In our society, the happy couple, all shiny and perfect, is often a ruse.
I absolutely loved this; I have lived this. Very moving, very touching.
Lisa
Lovely. I like how you sustain the trope.
And my you are prolific this last week. I’ve just completed a poem for our Tuesday Blog Carnival; the prompt is gentleness.
Perhaps you’ll join us?
That’s wonderful, Rob. It’s always a pleasure to read your work.
Wonderful metaphors in those layers of lacquer. Very poignant, Rob.
Rob
Interesting use of metaphors
superficial
fragile
brittle
forever broken
Beautifully written
Joanny
I like the idea of remembering the brushstrokes of the beginning of a relationship. What was there before the painting was complete? What made us want to finish the painting? Let’s go back to that time…
Very well written, Rob. I feel such sadness for the couple.
we lost the brushstrokes of the heart…such a tender sadness…
Nice take on the prompt. I love how you use very few words to describe in detail what you are thinking. It doesn’t take many, does it, to tell the story. “Easily crushed, forever broken”. Nice!
Aw, we should all know better shouldn’t we?
Really good use of the metaphor Rob.
How can “the tender brushstrokes” become undone? The heart must have imprinted on some cell somewhere the tenderness now missing. Give a little tenderness is a command in the now. Certainly these strokes need not be hardhearted, although not the same as before, perhaps. Depends on what you want the heart to be; we can imagine the best and try for it. If we don’t hit the benchmark maybe we are too much of a perfectionist which could be truly disheartening. Lovingly romantic and thought-provoking talent poem, Rob!
I really like the sentiment behind this line, “no second coating of genuine honesty to insure strength.” To sustain love you’ve got to have a generous dose of the second coating.