This poem deals with my long time dream to create a book of my poetry, lyrics, and art; and to share some interesting life experiences. The dream has been hampered by my lifetime struggle with acute ADD and depression. In past few decades — diabetes, four heart attacks, congestive heart failure, declining hearing and sight. In past couple years with debilitating arthritis in both hands. But I stumble forward with the dream.
Veiled in promise
it beckons me
seductively
the elusive dream
upon my heart embossed
yet there is a storm
can rage within
to churn at times
my weary mind
focus turned and tossed
the way grows foggy
direction blurred
the path unclear
the purpose slurred
this journey can exhaust
to stay the course
I cast and chart
and reference often
in handmade note
but not every “t” gets crossed
I fire my dream
on electronic pages
share it with the world
progress at times freezes up
I pray it will defrost
so my life gets lived
in bits and pieces
scribbled on scraps
of random papers
so many soon so lost
in losing them
confusion rises
chaos threatens
hopes can scatter
my elusive dream the cost
failing health presses in
as does ravaging time
can I ever finally
get my dream to rhyme
before my clear thought wafts
*
rob kistner © 2023
More poetry at: dVerse
More poetry at: Poets & Storytellers
In many ways our blogs, I think, ARE our books. But also there are ways to self-publish, from simply creating a collection as a give-away pdf to taking advantage of the ways to do it (as both ebook and paperback) on Amazon. And there are YouTube tutorials to teach us how.
But I know that feeling, as one gets older, that maybe time is running out.
Yes, much of what I would like to preserve is there in the 5 blogs I have published over the past two decades. I just need to pull it out and compile it in a printable form. I am exploring how, and I have some help Rosemary. Decreasing health and increasing exhaustion are becoming growing challenges, and it feels like they are pushing the finish line further and further away. I sincerely thank you very much for the encouragement my friend. I will find a way to make this happen
Dreams … I am wishing yours do come true and that your thoughts fly off the shelves like the many pages ( in the picture) that look like wings. 🙂
Thank you so much Penelope, I appreciate your kind words. And from your lips to gods ears my friend.
For you an editor would be of big help. A family member would have knowledge of your doings and likings.
I am old also, likely older than you. Mrs. Jim thinks I should put my writings in a book. I would like that but the effort, like yours, would be beyond me. I have a start with a Memoir organized from blogs, poems and others.
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Yes Jim, I am only 76. It’s not my age that I primarily worry about, is that I have so many health issues. I’ve had multiple heart attacks I’m wearing a pacemaker right now because I’m currently in the middle stage of heart failure. I also have diabetes and that’s how they did van stage it’s become insulin dependent so I’m passed just using pills. The neuropathy in my extremities is extreme, and arthritis has basically taken both hands. I also have arterial sclerosis so I’m having hardening of the arteries which makes the pumping of blood difficult. I firmly believe if it was only age issue, I mighgt have have at least another 10 years — but the health thing, and the resulting ongoing setbacks — I just don’t know how long I have. Please know this I have not and will not give up.
Yes, you are off much more serious than the items bugging me. I did get this week to “live with it” as surgery could be more hazardous than the medical problem. Got anyone to dictate to and let that person do the transcribing, documentation, printing mechanical stuff and arranging, etc?
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I’m working on it Jim. So sorry you are faced with a truly pinnacle life devision my friend. I have had to face that type decisions once. The way I played it I asked myself honestly looking deep within myself what’s the worst that could happen in that situation. I realized I might die. So then I asked myself am I ready to die. My answer in that situation was yes — I could accept it. Didn’t want it but I answered myself truly — yes, I can except it. So I got my immediate life sorted. It was a short period, so it was only my immediate family — and that is exactly who it should have been, and having a short time to decide was a blessing. It eliminated undo procrastination. Go at it headlong. I wish you well Jim.
Dreams do come true. Your blog is like a build-a-book, publishing your poems as you go. When you’re ready, you’ll publish in print. Best wishes. Keep it going.
Thank you Su-sieee, hope you’re right… 🙂
Hope and pray your dream comes true. We all have one and also the fear that it may not come true. But have faith. It will. At least you followed the path to it. That is much more important. As I am writing I am also telling that to myself.
Thank you show very much Gee, bless you — from your lips to the ears of the good gods… 🙂