•
a place within
closed away from scrutiny
from the world
angry at the wind
at the rain
at daylight
angry at your smile
at the sound of your voice
angry at it all
this is where I live
and how
you come
like a void
false journey-mate
embossed with promises
a coat of synthetic
edges peeled back
its leatherlessness
revealed
shivering
I wrap it round me
seeking warmth
but it is not supple
ill-fitted
it does not hold my form
you do not remember
the bend of my arm
nor the silk
that slid
slippery underfoot
on the marble aisle
as we stalked love
and the vain promise
it would be constant
as the wind
as the rain
as daylight
•
I lean upon my folded fist
cool against my temple
elbow solid
on my cluttered desk
eyes drooped
and closed
aflame with spoiled sleep
face slacked
head cocked
tilted to the right
heavy with confusion
skull upon the finger bones
in weighted indecision
procrastination presses down
the whooshing hum
of cooling bytes
relentless in my ears
thoughts like digits
on a dollar slot
spin unsettled in my mind
they neither click
nor lock in place
they tumble
in a jumble
they roll and blur
just out of focus
lost in mental fog
sunken in my office chair
I remain
immobile
paralyzed by perplexity
imprisoned
by the chaos
awhirl in my mind
the freedom of decision
impossible to manage
nothing will be done
this day
no first step can be taken
•
do not look upon me
in this untended state
grown over
with regret
rampant with cynicism
with unbridled bitterness
in this winter season
of dormant bloom
waning hope
my color has all faded
gone to random hues of grey
the faintest blush of tint
abandoned on the deck
left exposed
too many seasons
brittle
tattered
faded
uncomfortable and unwelcoming
there were seasons
long ago
they embraced laughter
the excitement
of precious friends
once
this garden echoed joy
bloomed long
full and fresh
petals
berries
fruit and leaf
hung heavy
urgent with essence
bursting with life
but biting winds have blown
chill rains fell
rude sun
relentless
in harsh insistence
the suffocating snows
caretakers of the garden
have lost regard
season by season
year by year
misplaced
the tools that nurture
no longer sought
desire wilted
like this scarcely tended plot
too frequent
cruel indifference
haphazard care
dieing embers of concern
like fire
in the great hearth
no longer fed
or gathered round
ignored
no laughter rises
no faces lighted
no warm encounters
passing in the hallway
mumbling over breakfast
no warm encounters
1,500-thread-count passion
a dieing ember
no longer fed
the hearth grows cold
unwelcoming
chill winds of apathy
prevail
unwelcoming — this garden
grown over with regret
choked by weeds of discontent
from years of withheld love
and failed attention
the untended garden withers
its ember of life
dieing
•
that is unquestionably joy
in a most unexpected place
in the eyes of an innocent
cruel society deems disabled
bent and stooped
drawn in
unimaginably twisted
confined to constant care
and his rolling metal chair
his gentle eyes
reflect a wonder
my jaded soul
has long since lost
by vanity extinguished
his timeless spirit
knows only trust
it pours forth
from his being
he rocks
and waves
and vibrates
his person full alive
his essence full aware
wholly in the now
positioned close
to the modest stage
he is enraptured by the rhythm
enthralled by the magic
the band plays fast
the band plays slow
the band plays loud
the band plays soft
he is filled with every note
every beat
every nuance
he experiences an ecstasy
at which I can only marvel
its purity and power
I can never know
I now realize
just how much
I do not understand
as I behold this able man
faint envy stirs
as I witness
his unbridled joy
so complete
and unexpected
•
she
is away
1 • 2 • 3 days
I am dis-spoused
for this time
getting reacquainted
with myself
my
self
that is not
a part of her
reacquainted
as
I think of her
she
who is away
1 • 2 • 3 days
and 2 nights
gritty
piercing nights
of dangerous navigation
into the id
into the dark place
of primal fear
irrational insecurity
but enough
I visit as well
sweet memories
of her
at twenty four
dewy
vulnerable
beautiful
the day we met
she
is away
now
I am
getting reacquainted
with my
self
that feels love
that misses her
away
1 • 2 • 3 days
•
distant
slurred
reverberant
like a voice
in a canyon
I hear her calling
in my mind
my name
rolling
sweet as nectar
from lips
soft
as orchid petals
full
as a bursting peach
glistening
deep coral
as they wrapped
softly
‘round each
pouted syllable
when she bid me
tender farewell
so long ago
our fingertips
had strained
to grasp
until
the final sensation
of warmth
of touch
had faded
and they had
drifted apart
I had struggled
to tear my eyes
from her
tears
that glistened
on her lashes
and around
her swollen
crystal blues
to slip softly
over the crests
of her velvet
cheeks
then
down the contour
of her face
flushed as sunset
to lightly salt
her quivering lips
and
as I passed
numb and dazed
through the tunnel
of the
loading gate
toward the jet
that took me
to hell
I had
at that moment
locked the image
of that sorrowed
face of love
deep in my heart
It had proved
my salvation
my only grasp
on sanity
in those
horrific years
my lips
too
had quivered
on that day
with the sting
of separation
and the chilling
knowledge
I would
soon taste
the bitter blood
of war
foul with the
stench of death
having not yet
departed
I had already
longed
to gaze again
into her
brilliant blue eyes
and taste
her sweetness
yet
as I return
this day
trying to face
reality from
30,000 feet
I taste the salt
of sadness
for I fear
a kiss
from me
with my killer’s
mouth
will forever defile
the fragile innocence
of those
luscious lips
soft
as orchid petals
full
as a bursting peach
that glistened
and quivered
when last we parted
•
heard it
all
before
empty
platitude
feigned
gratitude
promised
beatitude
false
attitude
no latitude
of vision
toxic
agenda
single-minded
lust
for power
dominance
control
megalo
your god
of
need
mammon
your god
of
greed
inaptitude
to lead
ineptitude
to know
no rectitude
to
even
care
walking dead
talking head
voice
of
the machine
that gives
you
life
conjurs
your
image
makes
you
dance
pitiful
puppet
powerless
dominated
controlled
mindless
specter
ghost
of
the machine
ghost
in
the machine
of
life
shell
blight
parasite
mouthpiece
mr. webster
manipulated
nominated
elevated
so dangerous
•
muted void
in
soundless gape
through which
language stumbles
strangles
struggles
stutters
fails
cruel fate
impales the heart
of broca
thus
grasp-less meaning
darklinged
amorphous
ever-elusive
tongue-less
exasperation
unsaid frustration
‘round and down
cerebral corridors
in search of words
unfound
unbound to sound
of worth
or clarity
dispossessed
of diction
of spoken function
of comprehension
and yet
to nearly know
but no
lost
just below awareness
it fogs and fades
unformed
and so to stumble
struggle
stutter
to stammer
but all within
trapped
in a soundless
prison
expressionless
as stone
alone
and silenced
•
I hear
chill winds of time
rise in dissonance
seasons of cold rain
hiss and tick
the weathered panes
I feel
life’s essence slowly slip
my being’s grip
it’s warmth
ever-fading
the pall and ache
wrap firm my bones
suppress my spirit
slowly steal
my living core
I know despair
of rigid form
drained of vital sap
drawn and withered
robbed
of flex and grace
I watch
my light of memory
dim
my pool of knowledge
cloud
I see beloved leave
one
by
one
beyond my call
to depart the joy
and chaos
of this temporal plane
what remains
is sorrowed pain
then
I hear you
call my name
summon me
to your embrace
to sooth and comfort
my discontent
to draw me
into your sphere of faith
that life is good
that we are blessed
just to have known
all this
and in that moment
I too believe
•
their fire
and
light
incandesce
my essence
burn deep
my soul
trouble
my spirit
unsettle
my being
ignite
my wonder
whet
my
seeker’s vessel
with need
to be
filled full
at once
familiar
yet
exotically foreign
strange
wrongly boxed
but
exquisitely
wrapped
in angst
indignation
longing
discovery
loss
love
with all these
and
infinitely more
they reach
to a hollow place
deep within
echoing
my past
awakening
my myths
exposing
that which
I embrace
in the moment
as truth
stirring my pain
my anger
my loneliness
my hope
offering
just enough answer
that I combust
with questions
sacred uncertainties
I’m held
suspended
in inquiry
in memories
of neverwas
enrapt
by your
careful words
transfixed
by mystery
elevated
by insight
impaled
by vision
spellbound
•
radiant
nude
of silken
skin
translucent
alabaster
blaze
torrid
as a
teen’s
temptation
now
leaned low
before me
yearning
stiletto’d
feet
on carpet
firm
availed
discretely
forward
bent
stimulated
hot
with craving
your graceful
face
is tilted
back
held aloft
so
delicate
my fingers
tangled
in
your hair
your forearms
rest on
velvet
sheets
eyes
aflame
in sapphire
need
blatant
in your
fetched
seduction
back
softly bowed
like
silk desire
in
supple taper
warm
and glowing
smoldering
in
golden light
that falls
satin soft
‘cross
nape
of neck
a wonderland
for
fingertips
to touch
and feel
and tantalize
I explore
your
tingling
body
soul-addictive
luscious
form
divinely-pleasing
sculpted
vessel
brought forth
by
Aphrodite’s
hand
from which
hangs full
and ripe
your
fruit
of
tender flesh
caught
silhouette
enticing
in
the candle’s
shine
fondled
by my
hungry
eyes
that
stroke
and tweak
the
blossomed
berries
that burst
engorged
with
passion’s heat
that taunt
my tongue
to twirl
‘round
my teeth
to nip
in playful tug
draw
to
my lips
now
lewdly
moist
to
take
and taste
in eager
suckle
I wrap
willful hands
of pleasured
probing
round
slender waist
then slowly
slide
down
pleading hips
of
sensuous rise
that fall
into
erotic
folds
molded
by the hands
of Venus
dual
swells
of
burning myth
that writhe
atop
two
lathened stems
turned
by angels
with
great care
tempered
in a
sacred
fire
long
and lithe
as liquid
love
stretched
taut
raised high
on
6†heels
proud
defined
and
goddess buff
enough
to make one
want
to stuff
to thrust
and thrust
in randy
lust
’til
passion’s
seed
has turned
to dust
and my
wanton
carnal
flame
is snuffed
•
a lightless
void
of
soundless
vacuum
spinning
masses
of
revolving
orbs
hurtling
fragments
in
crystalline
vapors
molten
cores
mingled
gasses
dead husks
black
holes
a
frozen
dance
of chaos
on the
tentative
edge
of balance
attractions
and
repulsions
of precarious
fragility
magnificent
obscurity
unquenchable
wonder
unrealized
dreams
untethered rubble
relativity’s
fabric
tangled
in the cloth
of
time
reality’s
illusion
set in
fantasy’s
foundation
the ultimate
frontier
unfounded
fear
hope
adventure
catastrophe
humankind’s
triumph
and
sad folly
the
seductive
promise
of
a future
our
salvation
infinity’s
threshold
the eternal
question
the elusive
answer
the
everlasting
bastion
of
never-ending
truth
a
constant
listening
a
longing call
home of
the
gods
the
fountainhead
of myths
religions
and other
odd
superstitions
a reason
why
a source
of
mystery
font of
knowledge
cause
of
fiction
Heinlein’s
cathedral
the unknown
of
the
unknowable
ever
expanding
everything
and
nothingness
absolute
…space is
•
my eyes
crisp
from the
day’s
sun
from
devastation’s
fires
from
cruel vision
of
relentless
horror
scorched
by
vicious
awareness
of
sentenced
gaze
take refuge
in this
heavy
late evening
dew
settling
like a
shroud
diaphanous
opaque
obscuring
I am
sustained
by this
damp
cool
pall
that
descends
upon me
wraps ‘round
my
pained
countenance
fevered
with fatigue
crippled
with despair
driven
by a
faint
memory
of honor
of duty
of
human dignity
I
stumble
broken
by
this sin
I
shoulder
this
perversion
not of
my
making
but
of my
charge
my sin
conceived
and
unleashed
by those
who
would
impose
their will
their
twisted
utopic vision
who would
advance
their agenda
of
domination
those
who
would
take it
all
who would
rule
the world
a world
now
broken
corrupted
by their
vision
spoiled
by their
vanity
a world
in
chaos
I have
but
this
bloodied
ruin-riddled
highway
of
deepening
nocturne
of
dying
dreams
crushed
innocence
destruction
death
of my
duplicity
of my
guilt
of
burdened
shame
and so
I
stumble on
saturated
with
this
falling evening
with
this
drenching sorrow
slinking
in
exhausting
alert
hollow
empty
into this
coming
night
and
the
next night
and
the night
that
follows
that always
follows
captive
on this
road
of
murder
of
mounting evil
of
brutal
human
arrogance
prisoner
of
this
lost highway
seeking
forgiveness
•
I see them
starving
eyes
diseased
eyes
abandoned
eyes
eyes glazed
hollow
from
complete
lack
of human
contact
bruised
with
the violence
of
abject
loneliness
devoid
affection
no vestige
of
saving
hope
instead
cruel
neglect
burning
Infection
a vessel
of flies
dysentery
and
soured bile
caked
in filth
and
fecal waste
not yet
arrived
at the age
of reason
yet
so far beyond
anything
remotely
of reason
of sanity
reduced
to
something
less than
human
below
the dignity
of
chatteled
livestock
and for certain
less
valued
less
cared for
un-mourned
yet
so human
are they
it aches
to
look upon them
they
are a blight
a blight
on my
indifferent
soul
an abomination
my
abomination
my
condemnation
a stain
indelible
in my
heart
a mark
of
injustice
so
horrific
that
I am forced
to look away
they are my
denial
my
greatest fear
they
are
my sin
the sorrow
that
chokes
my spirit
wrings
from me
tears
of the
privileged
the glutted
the
guilty
they
are my
deep
unrest
my failure
my great
discomfort
my
interruption
and so
I reach out
I reach out
to
take control
to
make a change
and
by remote
remove
these
images
that
confront me
that
haunt me
taunt me
to
surf away
into the land
of
plenty
into the
oblivion
of
promised opulence
of corpulent
consumption
of fantasy
fiction
and
porn
into
no friction
no
fault
to have
those
images
recede
and
drift away
until
I do not
see
the pain
or
hear
the wailing
or
feel
the suffering
I
fade away
to be
comfortably
numbed
to
just do it
to be
all
that I can be
to enjoy
that
refreshing
sensation
teeth
so white
they sparkle
to
have it
my way
every
night
‘til 3:00 AM
•
emerald eyes
stare
fix me
in their grasp
lift me
bodily
into
the atmos
of
unfinished dreams
strip me
of
fear
longing
of
inhibition
to render me
transparent
as I rise
weightless
care-less
untethered
being
of
pure now
filled
with universes
within
universes
a vessel
of time
and
space
ever-expanding
consciousness
aware
of all
not
as separate
but
as the is
the was
the
to become
with
infinite reach
embracing
the
strand continuum
drawing it
forward
reeling it
back
in
uninterrupted
linearity
of purpose
and
reason
for
no reason
but
the being
of its
universal
presence
its
omnipotent
here-ness
now
seeing through
the
emerald eyes
with
glassen gaze
I
behold
the meaning
of
the meaningless
to learn
what
is not
known
to reveal
what
cannot be
now
until forever
an epiphanal
unveiling
of
the mystery
of fate
to understand
the
why
within
the why
ever
I ascend
to
realization
comprehension
that
the meaning
of
the meaningless
is
the void
in
those
emerald eyes
•
I feel you
living
breathing
thinking
deep
within
the confines
of my
shadowy psyche
your presence
is palpable
visceral
I
am not alone
my emotions
obsessions
my impulses
are not yet
mine
exclusively
I
am not
we are
and
we are
at odds
conflicted
schizoid
torn
between
the heroic
and
the horrific
dark
evil urges
spawned
in
the dank
blackness
of
a soulless
void
at war
with
an inclination
toward
the sacred
the desire
to uplift
nurture
to seek
balance
between
the compulsion
to
ravage
and
the wisdom
to
embrace
the
unfettered mania
to
consume
and corrupt
and
the foresight
to
sustain
between
murder
and mercy
madness
and clarity
the duality
rages
unchecked
struggles
against
the constraints
of
convention
morality
and
the confusion
of
mindless chaos
stirring
the
unquenchable ache
to break
the shackles
of
suppressive
acquiescence
longing
for
genuine freedom
until
ever so
gradually
imperceptibly
the
moral voice
and
the manic whisper
are stifled
and
still
rendered mute
unleashing
the power
of the
beautiful beast
within
the
natural
essence
primitive self
birthed
I
am now
one
Nietzsche’s begotten
guided by instinct
attentive
to impulse
•
bent
they slink
the
netherworld
beyond
the mirror
where
loosed
the
vengeful beast
veiled —
their eyes
from
sacred truth
prod —
to walk
a
mournful path
begot
beguiled
their fate
besot
cursed
to
wrest asunder
the fidelity
of
dreams
deafening
their
plaintive cries
misery’d pleas
and
guttural
moans
savaged forth
from
forlorn souls
lost
unchaste
forgotten
blind
is
virtue’s
sullen eye
dim
now
evermore
sad beings
in
a brutal world
torn
in
ceaseless
pain
rending
horror
unending
strife
a horde
quite
misbegotten
yet
concurrent
with
this
dreadful plight
a reality
of
consuming bliss
of
knowledge
vast
and deep
beauty
pure
as light itself
goodness
strong
as sterling
the song
of
spheres
so
sensuous
a place
of plenty
where
no one
wants
precious gifts
bestowed
sublime
to
feast
the spirit
to
dwell
in grace
to
behold
the infinite
face
of truth
to
hear
the voice
all-knowing
whole
these
differed realms
abide
reside
in time
though
not
congruent
unseen
the
gossamer curtain’s
fall
that
divides
these
dual realities
that share
no
commonalities
on and on
their
continuum
an unbroken
strand
unfurls
parallel
in separate
space
unknown
each
to the other
unaware
of
the
fragile thread
that binds
them
fast
dark
to light
seen
to unseen
tethered
everlasting
eternally
apart
this
counterbalanced
hidden link
the lifeblood
of
existence
•
slowly
with
great caution
in
halting
measured step
I creep
from
sanctuary
dark
to leave
solace
safety
and sorrow
behind
to
sidle
in uncertainty
into
the
chafing
cutting light
head bowed
eyes
swollen red
mind bruised
spirit crushed
heart
mercilessly
torn
I am
tensed
for flight
emerging
visible again
though
just barely
in snap
recoil
from movements
quick
from
any gesture
toward
my person
don’t reach
don’t
touch
do not
touch
do
not
touch
me
fragile
as a
newborn
bird
unsteady
as
a fawn
and
just
as frightened
just
as
unsure
this is
territory
long
untrod
movement
long
abandoned
sorrowfully
abandoned
forgotten
purpose
purposely
avoided
shunned
in anger
my wounded
animal
took
refuge
in aloneness
solitary
in the
horror
dug in
with
resolve
to
disappear
perhaps
to die
simple breathing
a
considered
labor
each
breath
weighed and
measured
its worth
evaluated
most times
found
of little
value
but still
I drew
them
hesitantly
counted
every
tear
that fell
struggled
with
the hand
of death
my hand
my
hand
of deliverance
debating
should
I bid
it end
this
misery
this agony
again and again
debating
pleading
in the
soothing
blackness
to barter
my mortality
for
yours
begging
the
bargain
holding it
in
the light
of
grief
to see
just
how
it might be done
over and over
day after day
night
upon
horrific
night
my empty
shell
beseeching
that
my
broken life
somehow
be
sacrifice
enough
to make
yours
whole
once more
the
catalyst
to spark
the
fire of life
into
your eyes
your
cold
dead
empty eyes
but I
found
no takers
for
my deal
only
painful
abject loneliness
soul-wrenching
regret
and so
I lay
shallow
breathing
unfed
unwashed
unsaved
resigned
to
simply
vanish
to pull
around me
the numb
of
sacred
death
but in
my
time
of forfeiture
a dim
but
growing light
fell upon
the faces
of
the others
who survive
the others
whom
I love
who look
to
me
to lead them
from this
dark
and chilling
pit
from
this
brutal plane
of
hopelessness
from despair
to be
strong
to find
the
reason
to go on
ever slowly
this
dim light
grows
and
the chill
to lift
my eyes
again
to see
my purpose
taking
gradual
form
as I
reluctantly
observe
so
slowly
I emerge
but
please
no quick
or sudden
expectations
I fear
I
may flee
never
to return
permit me
slow
and steady
emergence
from
my
chrysalis
of anguish
do not
attempt
to ease
my
return
with feigned
sympathy
or
hollow condolence
don’t assault me
with
declarations
of
your knowledge
of
my feelings
my state of
mind
do
not
insult me
for you
do not
know
you
do
not
so
please
be still
stand off
and
let me
find my way
back
into
this mortal world
this is
my return
not yours
offer only
patience
and
safe distance
•
the blade
that cuts
this
tie
that’s bound
is secured
here
in our grasp
with
righteous rage
and
purposed thrust
foul
contract
will
be severed
and we
lifted
and
untethered
free at last
of
you
vile judas
who
would have us
supplicant
and cowered
brittle shells
devoid
vital juices
of
trust
and opportunity
the
soul-marrow
that
sustains
our
balanced self
spawns
right thinking
and
possibility
nurtures
our unshackled
will
that
fosters
our
innate prowess
to
see through
the likes
of
you
your
lust
for power
your
unchecked greed
see through
your
gross
intolerance
it is upon us
to confine
your shut
and
damaged mind
squelch
your
toxic agenda
and lay bare
the folly
of
your vision
your narrow
festered
point of view
to silence
now
your
twisted tongue
that spews
the
acrid gorge
of
lies
we
will celebrate
this
final cut
raise it up
for
all
to see
and know
its authenticity
that
rejects
your
dark reality
henceforth
mute
to naïve
ears
that
might succumb
to your
seductive rail
of
all-consuming
fear
we
have watched
you
tread upon
a
sacred trust
ill-gotten
in
a feigned
display
of
true choice
and
fair selection
you
have soiled
and sullied
a
time-honored
seat
bruised
and scarred
its
dignity
but
you
are well
soon
set aside
exposed
in your
iniquity
to suffer
the
judgment
of history
this
is the season
of your
end
of days
your reign
of terror
is over
•
there is a darkness
I have known its presence
encountered its essence
it frightens me
it frightens me
because it is
because it is
so very devious
sinister
debilitating
all-consuming
if granted license
it lurks in shadow
collecting
collecting the dark matter
that steals into my life
into my heart
all the grief
failure
pain
all the terror
that has ensnared me
in times of weakness
all the empty blackness
that has befallen me
that has found a corner
of my soul
in which to hide
to sulk
secure foothold
like an awful seed
taking root
here it grows
here it dwells
manacled and restrained
in times of strength
kept in check
by my decent self
my self that loves
encourages
supports
that embraces possibility
my sacred self
that nurtures
that fosters empowerment
but
my inner-dwelling light
does not always shine
so bright
does not always hold sway
nor control
my inner darkness
my inner darkness
has great cunning
powerful influence
it is
at times
quite un-containable
this darkness
that has fed
upon the horror
that has been visited upon me
the betrayal
the abuse
the unthinkable loss
that has compounded
and festered
that has become animate
as if an entity
unto itself
that has gripped
and driven me
distraught
despaired
vengeful
unforgiving
driven me
to a perverse
unholy
bitterness
wholly unable
to fend off
the clutches
of this malevolence
it is
on occasion
far easier
even desirable
to succumb
to these dark forces
that promise
relief
falsely entice
with imagined
satisfaction
but there is
no quick release
from the pain
from the sorrow
that is
an inherent component
of life
one must
endure
and be tempered
invincible
by this endurance
steadfast
in the crucible
of resistance
but
the inner-mounting darkness
will ever seduce
its tug is powerful
I pray
here tonight
as I am swept up
in bittersweet memory
of you
overwhelmed
by the sorrow of loss
I pray
that the darkness
does not sense
that I am vulnerable
does not prey upon
my growing distress
that falls shadow-like
across my soul
that veils
my resolve
my courage
I pray
that the black void
does not birth
the despair
the anger
that begets
my other
my alter
my poison self
that I so detest
…and fear
•
stopping is no option
to lose the way
is to keep
going
keep moving
forward
lest one
atrophies
grows rigid
with
the rigor mortis
of apathy
stiff
with unbending
ignorance
fear
paralyzed
gawking inward
at hopelessness
at failure
the
giving in
the giving up
the rot
that sets in
with
the loss of wonder
when grip lets go
of dreams
of possibility
arthritic loss of faith
debilitates
the soul
cripples
the manifest light
that shines forth
at the leap
into darkness
into uncertainty
into the sacred unknown
frozen
is the cautious man
withered in
a worried cage
terrified
of the wrong step
of
the journey all in
of daring the way
unmarked
and thus
bleeds out
the color of life
of living
to become cold
grey
a putrefied husk
of
brittled remorse
mired in
regret
for never having
shone so brightly
as to blind
the eyes of death
stopping is no option
•
I sit
watch the flow
of people
the shuffle of feet
with their different sounds
according to their shoes
I see shapes of faces
unsmiling lips
their void curve
denounce this night
yet unseen
the gossamer curtain’s
fall
that defines
their soul’s duality
the divergent reality
through which
truth stumbles blind
to move in the world
rough as a rope
taut as every promise made
frayed as wisdom
leaned in
whispered from behind
block the fist
ease the ego
broker détente
bandage wounds
tend the bruises
the insults
grab at time
like dropped money
I might learn
a thing or two
tonight
but someone
must release the light
so I can shine
like a little boy
who likes ice cream
most of all
this boy
reads old men’s minds
he does not eat meat
I will not eat meat
so I notice the shoes
the belts
the bags
all made of leather
I feel a shiver
a sad imbalance
a confliction
in my soul
so
I’ll practice non-attachment
because I can
but pieces of me
stick
to whoever gets too close
you may have seen me
silhouetted against the sky
the coldest night in January
howling
with the frozen moon
a duet
to make coyotes
cower in their dens
then moon and I
sneak
among cages of studs
& trusses
we run
from room to imaginary room
the whole world
close enough to touch
we eat a midnight lunch
white cheese sandwiches
perfumed with foreign lands
and onion thoughts
layered deep
show mercy
peel back the layers
peel me away
thin by thin
skin by skin
to my quivering soul
I hope I am not
hideous in your sight
these thoughts
become too heavy to hold
or chew
or swallow
or lug in a massive bag
my thoughts
bonewhite lies
of morality plays
open for you to peak
hope they are not
hideous in your sight
hope they do not
make you cry
as you peel back
all the layers
onion
thought
layers
held fast and firm
like a carapace
to which
I’m stitched
and welded
and can no more leave
than you can truly enter
they tie me down
sometimes
but sometimes
barely so
survivor that I am
the inescapable optimism
in my barebones grin
flashes
in the brittle moonlight
a patrolman
comes to where I sit
to see
his beam
blinds the stars
from my eyes
beneath his warm smile
his radar eyes
scan the forgotten creases
and clandestine getaways
in my mind
standing over
he looks down
one of us can learn
a thing or two tonight
if someone
will release the light
rob kistner © 2009
You have a beautiful blog here. I’m a poet since the age of 4 and I have a few different poetry blogs. I found you through your old wordpress.com blog.
Would you be interested in contributing poems to any of my poetry blogs and/or exchanging links?
If you are interested, you can find out more at the page linked to above (the link in my name.) Thanks Rob.