This weekend past, I had gotten word that another of my friends had passed. It hit me quite hard. He was one of my oldest friends, in both age and duration. Today I have been staring out the window a lot, watching the November rain, deeply saddened. When I sat down to read Laura’s prompt here, this unfinished draft of a poem came to mind, and began to again stir within. I was moved with the inspiration to complete it, so I’d like to share it. It is certainly more than Laura suggested, but I had to get it out. If it is longer than you care to read, no problem, just skip it — but thanks for visiting.
There are days
when fading memory flickers
that I still can feel
the breeze of yesterday
gently stir my soul
wonderful days remembered
of grace and lightness
of friends beloved
those days of … “when”
when all we touched was fresh and new
and the world was full of wonder
when we were certain we’d live forever
our strength made each day a great adventure
when we had only heard the word pandemic
and never imagined it would happen to us
when we believed in our chosen leaders
if not every word, at least their good intent
when faith in truth sparked splendid dreams
and the amazing future stretched before us
those wonderful years of possibility
the years we witnessed
one for the other
as we made vows
to our chosen life mates
raised our children
grew our careers
our families close
through all those years
but that was then
in those days of … when
now I’ve grown old
unyielding
rigidly braced
against the winds
of time and fate
my soul is uprooted
by life’s growing madness
I search its blessings
curse its sadness
these are brittle years
I am bent by the yoke of worry
heavy with the weight of loss
frustrated by my lack of wealth
struggling with my fickle health
I am haunted by the ghost of memory
a memory I must now fight hard to keep
through these lonely days
when I think of — when
these empty days
when I think of old friends
how can this void be filled
when those so vital
have near all departed
this world denied
of your wit and wisdom
so much kindness
and love lost
as each — you passed
seems no good lasts
how can this void be filled
when your brilliant lights
have been snuffed out
how…
by not forgetting
I remember you all
I remember you now
and all those days
of all those years
that is how I fill this void
with the seeds of friendship
you planted deep
inside my heart
now filled with sorrow
may they continue growing
even here in my winter’s light
to make me kinder
make me gentler
make me more grateful
before the dark of night
falls hard
and halts my faulted pace
good-bye my friends departed
I see you now
face after face
ever will I tend these seeds
and think of when
there were days of you
as long as embers
of my memory smolder
you are remembered
I will not forget
*
rob kistner © 2021
Poetry at: dVerse
I’m so sorry about the loss of your friend.
Thank you JYP, it has happened several times in the past couple years — but such is life when you get old. Still have some acquaintances left from the past — but only two left that I call friends.
So sorry about your friend, Rob.
Thank you Shay.
So eloquent
Yes, I remember when
Thank you Ron.
This is such a beautiful heartfelt poem Rob. Loss and with it grief stay with us for ever… and come back to visit at a moments notice it seems. Hold on to those wonderful memories. They are worth keeping… worth grieving over. They are pieces of your life that are shedding away, but never forgotten. I am so sorry for you loss!
Thank you Dwight. I agree completely my friend.
I’m sorry for your loss, Rob. I hope your beautiful words of remembrance give you some comfort.
I’m down to two friends Ingrid, and several acquaintances, so I won’t have but a couple more of these to write — provided I outlive my subjects.
I found this very moving. My parents are both in their mid-eighties,and they have lost so many friends. At least they have each other – and us, of course – but there’s something about those people who knew you when you were young that is very precious. You capture the grief well, and the comfort of memory. I have never thought of you as rigid – you write so openly, you offer us your emotions, you have an open heart and a young soul. I hope writing here helps you, I hope you continue to have moments of joy.
Thank you so very much Sarah. The rigidity is my body, not my heart and soul,I feel in my mind msybr 35. I maintain a rich active sense of wonder. Keeps my mind robust.
sending you loving vibes from across the world, Rob (and, BTW, this was not too long at all!)
Yours,
David
Thank you David, I appreciate your kindness my friend. The kaleidoscope of my life keeps turning, and new pieces fall into play, adding new patterns and colors. Many added by the poets I’ve met online over the years. Thank you for the colors and patterns you’ve added sir. 🙂
dare I say this was a wonderful poem, epitomizing memory which is as you say (an excellent phrase)
” was then
in those days of when”
Your poem overlaid with the loss of your close friend creates a strong and very moving contrast between now and then. Such losses are irreparable – I am sorry for your added sense of isolation that comes when we lose a loved one and hope the good memories will feed and comfort you in the days ahead without him.
p.s. I had that album – what memories that brings back!
Thank you Laura. Every time someone from my past dies, it’s a bit like losing a piece from the puzzle that is my past life. Only a few pieces left. But There is a new puzzle that I started with my children, and now grandchildren. I have also, in the past fee months, had a new grandniece and grandnephew born. And so it goes. Someday I will be a piece lost from both of those puzzles, but that’s not today. “Tumbleweed Connection” is still a favorite album of mine. “Talking Old Soldiers” speaks intimately to my heart and soul. “Love Song” and “Come Down In Time” were two more truly beautiful songs from that album. For me, it was perhaps his most intimate album ever.
Rob, it is not easy losing close ones. Please accept my deepest condolences.
Your verse is so beautifully heartfelt and writing about pain does provide some solace. Take care, please.
Thank you Punam, very much. Since I moved from Ohio to the Pacific Northwest in 1990, we would get together at least twice a year, once in June in Chicago, and in Las Vegas each January — both at the International Consumer Electronics Show. We were both part of that industry. We first met in 1969, when I designed a sound reinforcement system for a rock club. We talked on the phone frequently between the shows, and less frequently in recent years — but we enjoyed our chats. Last time we spoke was in 2020, as the COVID lockdown started. He had gotten sick. He was a friend for 52 years.
I am sorry about the loss of your friend. I lost many this year, and some of them still live and walk among me. Loss comes in many shapes. A beautiful poem. I am glad you finished it. Yes, things within must come out. The beauty of words.
Thank you Mary. Sorry you’ve lost friends and friendships — but we carry on don’t we.
Oh Rob, I feel your pain. My beloved travel companions, my sister-friends for over 30 years of autumn trips, are all gone now and only I remain. It is a sorrow of age, this loss of the pieces of our lives. I send a warm cyber-hug …. and we carry on!
I still have a couple friends left Bev, out of an original crazy group of 14. We live in three parts of the USA, but we talk, and we have deep memories we share. And so it goes, until it goes no more. Thank you for your always kind words… 🙂
Yes mortality is both a curse and a blessing. I till have one HS friend extant. I belong to a group of we actors, about 40 of us that got to know each other in 1968. We have our own private FB page. In 3 years, we’ve lost 5 members. I’m one of the oldest now. Your poem is so personal and articulate, it pushes all my emotional triggers. Glad you rose to the prompt challenge.
My little herd of long-standing (40 years or more) friends is thinned down to 2, one former bandmate, and 1 guy from Pro AV. Just lost a guy who worked with me as well as for me, in the Pro AV world. I also know of a small group of acquaintances from both worlds, but not in touch with them.
Beautiful poem Rob.
I lost a friend too this week, and thought about writing about him for this prompt. But so far I’ve only found the tears and not the words.
Yours are beautiful.
Hurts Kate, but had to write my heart.
I am so sorry for your loss, Rob. Please accept my deepest condolences. A beautiful, poignant poem.
Thsnk you Sanaa!
So sorry for your loss Rob.
Thank you Linda… ???????????
This is such a beautiful and moving poem, Rob. I know how hard it is to lose such profound friendships. “These are brittle years.” What a great line! A beautiful poem of remembrance. Is this the poem you meant to link at earthweal, Rob? Your link there doesnt take us to a poem…..maybe link again?
Thsnk you Sherry. I will see what is wrong with the earthweal link.
Comes a time when losing friends becomes all too common and thereby even sadder. I felt your loss strongly throughout this emotional, grieving poem. It read as a fitting tribute, particularly in the context of the commitment to being kinder, gentler and more grateful – for this is often the best we can do. My condolences.
Thank you Sean.