hoping she would turn and stop him
walking out the door he is hoping
always looking back and hoping
hoping it would matter to her
hoping that an empty place
would open in her heart
that only he could fill
hoping his leaving
left such a void
hoping deeply
ever hoping
walking
away
sad
rob kistner © 2019
Oh, sad.
But cleverly made.
Thank you Rosemary. I enjoy trying every now and then to create concrete (shaped) poems. I especially like the perfect diminish form (inverted pyramid), which is what I call the shape of this piece.
incredible visual with the layout and the words … so forlorn!
Thank you Kate…! 🙂
Yeah! Walking away is a sad kind of walk indeed! Love your layout of the poem, Rob.
Now, about commenting on the PU site. I was having trouble in making a comment on the site today. I thought may be this was happening because I use a WordPress blog. I had to prove that I was not a robot. Is your blog WordPress too? No idea why Google is acting up like this.
Thank you Sumana! Yes, I am WordPress as well. The really confusing thing is not all Blogger/Google sites act the same. Some will let me comment some even somehow recognize me when I click into the comment box snd activate the cursor – even before I start to type. It sucks not to be able to comment after you have read the poet’s work. SOOOOOOOO frustrating!
I have had similar experiences. Sometimes the comments might get into spam folders. It’s for the blog owners to check these. The best we can do is leave our comments there. Even if it’s not published then there’s a chance of it being in the spam folder. If the blog owner is alert then the problem is solved.
I just feel frustrated Sumana, not knowing if the other poet’s know their work is being acknowledged. I check my spam everyday, and I find a comment in there from time to time. The cyberworld is not always predictable. Thank you for chatting with me about this. Keep up your good and helpful work! 🙂
Loved the exclamation mark which enhances the hoping
You picked up on that aspect. Very cool! Thank you Marja… 🙂
Sad yes, but unfortunately he is thinking of himself rather than of her and perhaps that is why he is now alone.
In this instance Robin, he was certainly, and probably foolishly, seeking her acquiescence. When there is a disagreement that escalates and lingers, it is frequently a case of two people thinking primarily, and usually stubbornly, about their personal issue. True compromise is never easy, given our human nature of self protection. Unfortunately, too many disagreements end in a situation of détente, and not resolution. Too much détente, and a chill falls over the relationship. Who knows, perhaps they will work it out, and they will make beautiful music together again? 🙂
Rob,Love the shape of the form, and your words. There is such an air of finality to both.
Thank you Linda. I refer to that concrete inverted pyramid form as the “perfect diminish” form. It may have some official name? I enjoy using it at times. It is a great exercise in cohesive editing for revision.
This poem looks so good on the page. I feel the impact of one leaving, hoping so much the other will beg him to stay……and those words and feelings from the other not coming.
Glad you like this Sherry, thank you. We humans can be a stubborn lot… 🙂
Love the structure of this write. It almost seems an arrow pointing the way.
Thank you Lori, and yes, I see that. Perhaps it is pointing dosn, to the end of their relationship?