It Sucks

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It Sucks

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Shoo, swat, smack, ouch, damn, scratch… it’s amazing! Seven people sitting here on the deck, talking and enjoying the stars — and I’m the only one doing battle with these invisible blood-sucking bastards. I look like I’ve been stricken with St Vitus’ dance, or in the throes of a damned seizure. I don’t mean to make light of those two unfortunate conditions — they are not laughing matters. But neither are these infuriatingly itchy welts rising on my flesh.

And mosquito repellent, what a joke. About the only thing this crap repels is my little Shih Tzu, Edgrrr, when I come back in the house smelling like a chemical dump. I have tried creams, salves, ointments, oils, sprays, powders, even a special hi-tech invisible electronic barrier. Oh sure, like that really worked!

The only thing I know for certain can offer protection against those micro-monsters is me, for anyone else sitting with me. You are safe from the attack of the Culicidae horde if I am anywhere near. I am the preferred target, and all my friends and family know it. There is one benefit to being “skeeter-magnet” me — I do get invited to a lot of summer picnics and deck parties.

circling overhead
blood-sucking kamikaze
and I’m the target

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rob kistner © 2019

 

  • Click below to check out more buggy poetry at dVerse:

    Haibun Monday: Insects

     

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  • 44 thoughts on “It Sucks”

    1. Truth, painful, inexorable. I hear you and feel you, brother.
      They tell me that mosquitos love diabetics, so perhaps you are just too sweet. Yet, I’m not diabetic, and they love me too. They nearly ruined our trip to Alaska a few years ago. What is God’s plan for mosquitos?

    2. Have you tried herbal repellents? Lemon thyme is a plant you can grow in pots and place them around your deck. You can break off a sprig and rub your skin, hair, clothes, etc. with it. Rub the leaves in the pots around the deck to release the barrier to the little bloodsuckers! Sorry you are a frequent target, Rob. I hate them also, even if they feed zillions of critters. Having a martin house with lots of units could cut down on their numbers. Any standing water is a breeding ground. Goldfish in ponds eat the mosquito larvae.

      1. Very cool info Lisa — thank you! I will try the lemon thyme when the little SOB’s return next year. And as far as the critters that eat them, they can find something else to snack on. All the little buzzing, no-see-em, vampires do is ruin summer evenings and spread disease.

      1. I think we must taste better than the folks around us Christine. Being diabetic, I think the higher glucose level in my blood gives the little suckers more flying energy… 🙂

    3. My husband has the same problem. We’ve joked that mosquitoes must consider him some sort of delicacy, worth fighting through the noxious-to-them odors of citronella and lemongrass.

    4. They always targeted my mom too (she was a sweet person but not diabetic). I feel the same about biting flies…they are a plague!

    5. ROFLMAO get the itchy lil bastard. I actually avoid outdoors during evening hours because, apparently to the mosquito population, I am truly delicious. 🙂

    6. Curiously I am suffering at the moment with most of my body covered by bites. I even went to a dermatologist but he lost interest identifying a possible attacker and sent me back to the GP.

    7. I probably shouldn’t laughing as hard as I am laughing right now. But the speaker’s indignation is so intense, so wonderfully shown through the use of imagery (“micro-monster”, “kamikaze”, “blood-sucking bastards”) that can’t help but cackle. I can see the dance, hear the smacking of flesh in self-defense. Fantastic piece, Rob, prose and senryu!

      1. Thank you Magaly, you are most gracious! I am glad you enjoyed this. Those annoying little flying blood-sacks harass the hell outta me! There is no useful purpose on earth for them. They’re a flying evolutionary flaw! Be gone with ya, ye wee vampires…

    8. Really enjoyed and related to this poem,Rob. I can never sit outside in the summer from dusk on, and this year even earlier.

      1. Those little SOB’s control my summer evenings Sara, and it pisses me off. But I still try to enjoy summer evenings, even if I am scratching until I am bleeding.

    9. ha! up here in the mountains we are practically bug free. I don’t know if it is the trees and wind or what. Screens aren’t a necessary thing on decks!

      1. My wife would swear where we live here near the ocean that there are no mosquitos — because she NEVER gets bitten — while sitting right next to her, I get eaten alive… constantly swatting and scratching. They occasionally swarm around me, and my wife stares in disbelief. It is infuriating Margaret!

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