Shoo, swat, smack, ouch, damn, scratch… it’s amazing! Seven people sitting here on the deck, talking and enjoying the stars — and I’m the only one doing battle with these invisible blood-sucking bastards. I look like I’ve been stricken with St Vitus’ dance, or in the throes of a damned seizure. I don’t mean to make light of those two unfortunate conditions — they are not laughing matters. But neither are these infuriatingly itchy welts rising on my flesh.
And mosquito repellent, what a joke. About the only thing this crap repels is my little Shih Tzu, Edgrrr, when I come back in the house smelling like a chemical dump. I have tried creams, salves, ointments, oils, sprays, powders, even a special hi-tech invisible electronic barrier. Oh sure, like that really worked!
The only thing I know for certain can offer protection against those micro-monsters is me, for anyone else sitting with me. You are safe from the attack of the Culicidae horde if I am anywhere near. I am the preferred target, and all my friends and family know it. There is one benefit to being “skeeter-magnet” me — I do get invited to a lot of summer picnics and deck parties.
blood-sucking kamikaze
and I’m the target
rob kistner © 2019
Truth, painful, inexorable. I hear you and feel you, brother.
They tell me that mosquitos love diabetics, so perhaps you are just too sweet. Yet, I’m not diabetic, and they love me too. They nearly ruined our trip to Alaska a few years ago. What is God’s plan for mosquitos?
I hate, hate, hate the bastards Glenn. They ruin summer nights for me
You are going down!!! Those mosquitoes are something else. Love your Haibun. Fall will soon wipe them out … temporarily!
Thank you Dwight. I love sitting outside on the brisk autumn evenings because the little jerks are dead and gone.
Fun senryu! Maybe it is your diet that attracts the monsters. I never have a problem with them.
Thanks Toni! I am diabetic and rumor is that it attracts mosquitos. But I have been pursued by the micro-monsters since I was young.
My husband is a diabetic, and he never (EVER) gets bit by mosquitoes. I bet you’re glad summer is over!
Lucky hubby! Fall can’t get here fast enouhh
Have you tried herbal repellents? Lemon thyme is a plant you can grow in pots and place them around your deck. You can break off a sprig and rub your skin, hair, clothes, etc. with it. Rub the leaves in the pots around the deck to release the barrier to the little bloodsuckers! Sorry you are a frequent target, Rob. I hate them also, even if they feed zillions of critters. Having a martin house with lots of units could cut down on their numbers. Any standing water is a breeding ground. Goldfish in ponds eat the mosquito larvae.
Very cool info Lisa — thank you! I will try the lemon thyme when the little SOB’s return next year. And as far as the critters that eat them, they can find something else to snack on. All the little buzzing, no-see-em, vampires do is ruin summer evenings and spread disease.
Love it! I too wrote about mosquitoes…with perhaps the same tone. 🙂
Bravo Sascha — let’s be gone with the little blood-sucking devils!
Oh I feel your pain! I always wonder why they go for me. Buggars ????
I think we must taste better than the folks around us Christine. Being diabetic, I think the higher glucose level in my blood gives the little suckers more flying energy… 🙂
While I enjoyed the cartoon illustrations, I sympathise with your, Rob. I am usually the one with red bumps and scratches, too. I like the phrase ‘blood-sucking kamikaze’!
That should say ‘sympathise with you’! My left hand isn’t working this morning.
🙂
That’s what they are Kim, little buzzing vampires!
My husband has the same problem. We’ve joked that mosquitoes must consider him some sort of delicacy, worth fighting through the noxious-to-them odors of citronella and lemongrass.
He and I must taste good Rommy? 🙂
I picture little mosquito foodies debating flavors now. 😀
Probably what the calculating little blood thirsty critters do Rommy.
Haibunilicious, Mr K!
Biters have only some interest in me, love to feed on My Beloved Sandra. I never go anywhere without her.
Never leave home without Sandra Ron… 🙂
This is relatable! I get bitten more than most people.
Glad it spoke To you RW!
I think you should consider screened in porches. Smiles. It’s funny how mosquitoes prefer some people over others. This was a fun poem to read, but likely not to experience.
We are screening the lower level of our deck Sherry, in defense!
They always targeted my mom too (she was a sweet person but not diabetic). I feel the same about biting flies…they are a plague!
The little blood munchers must have liked her aura Lynn? 🙂
ROFLMAO get the itchy lil bastard. I actually avoid outdoors during evening hours because, apparently to the mosquito population, I am truly delicious. 🙂
Sounds like you understand the frustration of which I wrote JP. You have my empathy.
lol fun one …
salt water [surfing] keeps them at bay
don’t dismay 🙂
Too old to surf, but I can get to the ovean!
Curiously I am suffering at the moment with most of my body covered by bites. I even went to a dermatologist but he lost interest identifying a possible attacker and sent me back to the GP.
OE — Little turds just eat ‘cha up mercilessly.
Enjoy the free beer… it could be worth the bites in the end.
If I were a drinker Björn, it might prove worth the suffering — but I don’t drink…
I probably shouldn’t laughing as hard as I am laughing right now. But the speaker’s indignation is so intense, so wonderfully shown through the use of imagery (“micro-monster”, “kamikaze”, “blood-sucking bastards”) that can’t help but cackle. I can see the dance, hear the smacking of flesh in self-defense. Fantastic piece, Rob, prose and senryu!
Thank you Magaly, you are most gracious! I am glad you enjoyed this. Those annoying little flying blood-sacks harass the hell outta me! There is no useful purpose on earth for them. They’re a flying evolutionary flaw! Be gone with ya, ye wee vampires…
Really enjoyed and related to this poem,Rob. I can never sit outside in the summer from dusk on, and this year even earlier.
Those little SOB’s control my summer evenings Sara, and it pisses me off. But I still try to enjoy summer evenings, even if I am scratching until I am bleeding.
ha! up here in the mountains we are practically bug free. I don’t know if it is the trees and wind or what. Screens aren’t a necessary thing on decks!
My wife would swear where we live here near the ocean that there are no mosquitos — because she NEVER gets bitten — while sitting right next to her, I get eaten alive… constantly swatting and scratching. They occasionally swarm around me, and my wife stares in disbelief. It is infuriating Margaret!