Often I dreamed as a boy
searching the sky for aliens
could my wishes come to be
when I’ve grown to be a man
will I someday have money
to buy the things I so want
possibly find love and joy
following a good life plan
success began as a young man
but the grind became my life
too often consumed by stress
caught up in the crazy pace
years spun wild as a top
around faster ever faster
life layered its sad patina
etched deeply in my face
suddenly no longer young
looking back across the years
the triumphs and the tragedy
memory flickering like a flame
I’ve borrowed bought and sold
tried to play life by the rules
but have I leveraged my soul
just to play this fleeting game
now an old man on a bench
gazing at this fragile flower
memories misty as this drizzle
so many mysteries unexplained
body bent by the weight of worry
my mind tumbling in reflection
wondering if everything I lost
was worth what it was I gained
*
rob kistner © 2023
More poetry at: The Suday Muse
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A gorgeous journey of a poem Rob and the closing question is one that leaves the reader taking all the lines with him as he goes. Lovely writing my friend!
Thank you Again Carrie. I am so glad the piece resonated for you my friend… 🙂
Of all your soul searching lines this resonates most for me: “but have I leveraged my soul just to play this fleeting game” ~~ I have often wondered this myself.
I think for everyone Helen, no matter how or where one finds oneself in life, there is that moment that approaches, when you can’t deny nor escape your mortality, when you search your soul to ask — what was this all about “Alfie”. Maybe that’s not true for everyone, but I have such a strong awareness of how totally insignificant we all are in the grand scheme of time and existence, that I wonder — wonder about it all. That includes — did I leverage my soul just to play a game — and I am not referring to the soul in the way that religions do. I look at it in the grand scheme of all life energy. Did I do my part in maintaining a positive or negative balance — did I make this a better place for my life and time in this universe?
Poignant! Yes, we have these kinds of reflections as we get older, I find.
Thank you Rosemary… 🙂
Rob, you capture what’s in the image as well as perhaps a piece of yourself in this poem. Beautiful and sad both.
Thank you Lisa… 🙂
Love where this poem took us Rob and the song ‘Father and son’ is one of my favourites thank you <3
Thank you AJ… 🙂
I have to believe it is all worth what it took to get here, Rob. I really resonated with this poem. I remember how hard I had to work just to survive and raise my kids. It makes the slow pace now most welcome.
You are certainly correct Sherry. I am just one who wonders — did I do it the best I could? In the end, I did it the only way I was ultimately able to figure out how to do it. I just also know I hurt some people on my way coming through life — and I regret that. It was not so much about purposely hurting by things I did intentionally, it was more by things I failed to do, or did thoughtlessly.
Great, Rob!! One way to get it is to have a kid after your major grinding rush is over. On a second marriage we had a child when I was 40. Keeps a guy young.
I liked “a boy searching the sky for aliens,” I wish I could have had that experience. I didn’t know about aliens until I was a man, mid 20’s or maybe late 30’s. Hard to dream and wish then.
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Had my three children from my first two marriages, at 25, 29, and 31. When I married the 3rd time at age 41, and Kath and I moved cross country to Portland, my youngest came to live with us when he turned 13 — after his 2-year-older brother Aaron was killed in a tragic traffic accident. Kath and I got to enjoy his 4 high school years, while Justin lived with us. And his 6 college years at U of Oregon, only 100 miles south. Kath and I made the 90 minute trip south for tailgating at Duck’s football games — Jus would join for the tailgating, then head to the games with his friends. We’d see snd chat, occasionally sit with him and his friends quite a bit at the Duck’s basketball and baseball games, or sometimes we’d just come down to visit. He came home to Portland each summer for a regular summer job. Those were wonderful years, just wonderful!
We will all have to answer that question at some point.
Perhaps we will, or we nay already know?
“my mind tumbling in reflection” – great line, Rob. In addition, let me say that you always pick the best music to share!
Thank you Sara… 🙂