…this is a poem about the horror and ethical dilemma that is war, and the devastating impact it can have on the minds and hearts of soldiers sent into battle…
My eyes
crisp red
from the scalding sun
from devastation’s fires
from cruel visions
of relentless horror
my eyes take refuge
in this late evening dew
scented with munitions
settling like a shroud
wet
opaque
obscuring
I am sustained
by this damp cool pall
that descends upon me
wraps ‘round me
‘round my pain
my struggling countenance
fevered with fatigue
deafened by weapon’s roar
crippled with despair
driven
by faint memory of honor
of duty
of human dignity
I stumble
broken by this sin I shoulder
this perversion
not of my making
but of my charge
now my sin
conceived and unleashed
by soulless others
who would impose their brutish will
their twisted vision
their malignant agenda
of domination
those who would take it all
wear the conqueror’s crown
who would rule the world
a world now broken
corrupted by their distorted vision
spoiled by their vanity
a world in chaos
I have but this bloodied
ruin-riddled road
of descending twilight
mortal urgency
of dying dreams
crushed innocence
destruction
death
decay
this road
of my duplicity
of my guilt
my shame
and so I stumble on
mindlessly muttering
mea culpa
mea culpa
parce mihi deus
saturated
with this falling evening
with this drenching sorrow
exhausted
vaguely alert
nerves shattered as eggshells
numb to panic
hollow
empty
I stumble
into this coming night
I stumble
and the next night
and the night that follows
that always follows
captive on this road of murder
of mounting evil
of horrific violence
of brutal human arrogance
I stumble
prisoner
of this foresaken journey
so lost
seeking forgiveness
*
rob kistner © 2021
Poetry Pantry at: Poets & Storytellers
This makes me think of the youngsters conscripted into the Vietnam War, from your country and mine. Some of them wouldn’t have had a clue what they were getting into – until they found out the hard way.
I think the biggest tragedy of that misbegotten war, Rosemary, was what it did to unprepared 18 & 19 boys, thrown into a war that actually stood for nothing. An unwinnable war, and then to come home to a country, to a veterans administration, who, instead of respecting them and taking care of them, helping them with the problems that bizarre war created in their minds and souls — they were treated like second class citizens, and by some, actually despised. They had to fight to get the benefits the government owed them, and should have given them willingly and with gratitude. I have several friends who never fully came back from that hell hole mentally intact. Two good friends died with their government issued revolver in their mouth, and a number who fought drugs for years — some never to win.
What a powerful piece.
This is my favorite section:
“I have but this bloodied
ruin-riddled road
of deepening nocturne”
Thank you!
I read this as a stream of consciousness piece. A confessional / a plea for absolution / unburdening the fear / the brotherhood of man / war is hell. Incredible, Rob … incredible.
Yes to it all Helen — war is hell, and it is sometimes hard to tell the angels from the demons.
AND //// we should have learned the lesson from Vietnam.
Yes Helen, but I think perhaps the current human species, prefers power over peace — so we fight, steal, and kill. We invent different god-legends to justify what is simply human greed, so therefore, in the name of __________ (insert your personal favorite god) we must kill you, and take your land, resources, wealth (whatever is currently in vogue as wealth) — and of course, we must kill and dominate you. Welcome to nature of Homo Sapiens, the last surviving human species. We are hoping our brain evolves quickly enough to finally comprehend living in balance with the natural world, before we accelerate this current Holocene era extinction we have exacerbated — and we become part of it. Evidence seems to indicate that this particular brain evolution is proving inconsistent and random, representing a most volatile situation — trending towards lethal on a global scale.
“not of my making
but of my charge”
“I stumble
prisoner
of this foresaken journey
so lost
seeking forgiveness”
Absolutely outstanding, Rob. So many men and women
remain twisted from this horror.
Glad you felt this Sara. If everyone could somehow be emotionally exposed to that level of despair and remorse, I think the world might be a far more sensitive and caring place — but at the same time, no one should ever have to feel that.
whose fault?
it is the old men signing papers that send young men to die in war. and every war that is fought is ‘justified’. Land, food, king, WMD, even a football game.
this is a powerful poem, and says what is needed to be said. and thanks for the Dire Straits video. one of my must-listen songs. 🙂
You are correct DS, and thsnk you… 🙂
In my single years, my roommates and I came to know some young men home from that war, scarred forever by their experiences, trying desperately to regain some meaning in their lives and forget the scenes that fueled their nightmares every night. You describe it all so eloquently, Rob. War IS truly hell.
And yet we fight them constantly Bev. Going to be interesting to see if we can maintain keeping our fighting men out of Afghanistan, now that the government we supported has been overthrown? The war we need to enlist the world for is to fully battle COVID, and its increasing mutations — or this may be the final acceleration of the Sixth extinction, which will include the human species. This sixth mass extinction event, known as the Holocene extinction, is in fact underway. It follows the Ordovician–Silurian extinction events, the Late Devonian extinction, the Permian–Triassic extinction event, the Triassic–Jurassic extinction event, and the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event. Mass extinctions are characterized by the loss of 75% or more of all species on earth. We are Homo sapiens, the last of the human species to survive. Will we survive this current Holocene extinction — who knows?