Night Madness

My poetic expression, in image and verse, of the traumatic “night terrors”, I’ve experienced all my life, along with over four million other adults. It manifests itself for me as imageless nightmares, that fill me with such deep dread that I’m often awakened moaning loudly, sometimes screaming! It is a type of nocturnal torment from which I awaken disoriented, and unwilling to return to sleep. I am 75, and the idea of falling asleep is still extremely unsettling. Often awake ‘til thoroughly exhausted, I require prescription sleep meds nightly. Cause unknown, symptoms in adults can include a sudden awakening from sleep fully or partially, thrashing, screaming, intense fear and terror of an unknown reason, rapid heartbeat, rapid breathing, increased blood pressure, dilated pupils and wide eyes, sweating, increased muscle rigidity, inability to return to sleep.

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“Descent Into Night Madness” by: Rob Kistner © 1992

 
Evil’s blackest nocturnal nest
perversely born fantazury
midnight’s mad-menagerie

zoom-zooming
this blue-black world
disgusting hideousities

death scratch-scratching
doomsday’s door
swarming crazed horrorifity
scare
ensnare
then traumatize me

flaying bone-toed my synapses
hell’s hounds devour my peace
mind-ghouls shake’n’shiver me

oh gentle morne — deliver me

*
rob kistner © 2022

Poetry at: dVerse

 


22 thoughts on “Night Madness”

  1. Oh dear Rob, this is an extremely powerful and disturbing write. Most especially after reading your explanation.
    “oh gentle morne – deliver me” is the prayer – my guess said every night. Sending you a virtual hug, my friend. Thank you for sharing this side of you. Many will offer their hugs I’m certain.

    1. Thank you Lil. I take Zolpidem every night, often Lorazepam as well, to hopefully numb, even better, knock me out. I have uttered something similar to that little prayer, or more vulgarly dramatic, every morning I wake up in darkness, my bed sheets and blanket resembling a wrestling match — screaming and sweating. Usually once, or occasionally twice a week, I get an acceptable, though still drugged night’s sleep. Those better mornings are met with sincere gratitude. The most frustrating thing is still being nearly exhausted when waking up. That is compounded with my many meds I take for my maladies. But I get through every day. I write constantly to stay sane. Much of it I will never post.

  2. Whew. What an excellent depiction of this horrific condition, Rob. I’m so sorry you go through this. Thankful for mercies new every morning myself, I send them your way as well.

  3. Oh, yeah; this makes my (comparatively minimal) sleep absences / disturbances seem very meager indeed. I’m feeling for you, Brother.
    Hang in & write on. Please.

    1. I will continue to do both Ron. We humans are interesting in that no matter how difficult something may be, if we endure it long enough it becomes much less of a trial. I don’t like my ongoing night terrors, but I’ve learned to live with them my friend. Happy Halloween to you! 🙂

  4. Sorry to hear you suffer this nighttime torture Rob. Its good that you can poem about it.
    Luv the prayer to Morn at the end
    Hugs to you dear Rob.

    Much?love

  5. What we have in our head is all real. It comes out to bite us when our guard is down, but the nasties are no less real for that.

    1. I am not confused about that Jeni that’s for sure. It’s hard to deal with from time to time over nothing no obvious thing that should be threatening me still very real. Been with me my whole life. But I manage it to help a little science and a little pharmaceutical magic. and it doesn’t run my life can be a nuisance but it doesn’t run my life.

  6. I can empathize as I’ve had a few night terrors, and they seem to be getting more frequent as my hormones change more as I’m getting older! I’m pretty sensitive to benadryl though so that usually knocks me out. But recently I’ve had to go get some progesterone to calm me down. I think the hormones do something to the melatonin and serotonin in the brain. Your verses are haunting and I’m glad writing helps you process the residual emotions.

    1. Thank you Trisha. It’s just what I deal with it’s not who I am it’s been with me for so many decades that I don’t let it control me. But thank you for your sentiments. 🙂

  7. Rob, so very sorry you have recurring nightmares. I’m sure you’ve tried everything like incense and essential oils? God does exist because each morning we are given the gift of new light.

    1. Thank you Lisa. As much as I wish they would stop, they have given me a strength of will and a patience that has served me well in my life. They keep my spirit stimulated, and I fully believe they have helped my writing. It was dealing with them, and the related melancholy, beginning in my teen “band years”, that first offered fodder for my lyrics, which evolved to my other writing — certainly my poetry. They have awakened a particular current of inner observation, and emotions, that others may not have.

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