his eyes focused sharp on the ground below
when prey scurries by he will launch and fly
a cunning predator he hunts solo
takes his victim quick — swoops in fast and low
talons like knives he’s a lethal machine
the wound is deadly and delivered clean
with stunning precision, power, and pace
survival instincts impeccably keen
a proud regal bird, true majestic grace
rob kistner © 2019
Another winner, pal. This form suits you, or vica-versa. I love red-tailed hawks. The black fighter squadron in WWII had red tails. Amelia Eirhart’s plane had twin red tails.
Thank you Glenn! I still have to really concentrate on meter and clarity with this form. I found breaking some line into two separate thoughts prevents some of the stumbling this form can cause for the reader. After I rite rough draft of the piece, I go back and read each line a number of times as I write. If I can’t get it to roll smoothly in my brain, I immediately edit it. At times this prompts a rewrite of a complete section. I will continue to edit my work anytime, if something strikes mr as cumbersome in a later reading. My pieced, quite literally, are never finished.
Nice description of that regal bird killing only for survival.
Too bad some humans can’t catch on to that concept Frank.
It’s an excellent dizain in all sorts of ways. Only that last word, ‘sort’, or even the whole last phrase after the dash, brings the noble vision of the bird crashing down into banality. Don’t do this to your subject or your poem! There must be something better, even if it needs a whole rethink/rewrite of that line. Fraught, caught, support, fought ….?
You caught me Rosemary. I cannot defend the last couplet, because you’re correct. I was successfully building the write, making my way smoothly through the poem, pleased with the progress – but got stuck looking for the right wrap up. In frustration, I succumbed to a shallow ending. I will look at it again this evening with a fresh eye on the closing. Thank you for caring about this poem my friend! 🙂
Again, thanks Rosemary, for the nudge to tighten the quality on the last couplet of this piece. The rewritten 2nd verse is now included in the post. I am quite pleased with it and I believe you will find it a complete, well conceived conclusion — equal to thr rest of the poem.
Sorry, thought I had already replied to this some time ago. Yes, the new ending sustains the majesty and drama.
Thank you Rosemary, I am pleased this worked for you! I invite you to come visit with me at “River Whispers” and enjoy the uplifting ambience of the nature sounds by clicking on the post at the bottom.
One of my favorite birds. There used to be one at my last residence that would sit for hours in the tree outside the window. Such stillness, and sudden power.
Breathtaking creatures Kerfe!
Ah yes, your revision sustains the splendid image you’ve created. I’m glad I spoke up.
Thank you Rosemary! Yes, I feel the edit of the 2nd verse sustains the integrity of the poem until the end. 🙂