as the bright golden sunshine shown
slips into the sea all alone
heart cold as stone — heart cold as stone
all alone with her fractured dreams
tears glistening in the sun’s beams
she’s been pushed beyond her extremes
no more she screams — no more she screams
so silently she swims away
on this beautiful summer day
she’s got nothing much left to say
she just can’t stay — she just can’t stay
she has cried and cried and denied
the horrible lies they implied
distraught — she slipped under the tide
said no goodbye – fragile she died
*
rob kistner © 2021
Poetry at: dVerse
Suicide hotline: 800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741-741
Someone loves you.
Seek till you find them, then tell them you love them!
Heart touching, I hope such souls find peace.
These are the souls of unrest always! 🙂
Completely tragic.
All suicide is a tragedy.
How terribly sad this is- being alone and feeling betrayed.
All suicide occurs alone and hopeless Grace.
Heavy duty. Your title is killer. I applaud the four quatrains. You aced the form, even though you tweaked it here & there. This piece is beautifully written, giving us a little distance from the tragedy. Puts me in mind of MASH, “Suicide is painless” .
Thank you brother! I am glad you caught the essence of the title Glenn. When I penned it, I wondered how many might think I misspelled seaside? And yes, I purposely brought a bit of sunshine down upon the horror of taking ones own life in a drowning suicide. BTW I love that song! “Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes…” 😉
As I commented to Bev, this was me giving sway to my original self, my dark self, Joseph Tieke, who lives in the shadows of my soul — and needs to be recognized at times. He is not a bad guy, just can be very dark and angry at times. He is the key fount of my pain and insecurity, that sparks my creativity. That is far more true that it may sound. So much of the pain of my youth I am ertain is what allows me to comfortably touch the dark in me. Joseph Tieke is my first real me, the one who was tossed away, to then be passed through a post-WWII orphanage, to ultimately land in the hands of a deeply conflicted adoptive mother, and her deeply damaged paranoid schizophrenic mother, “Gramma Trau”. Those were years of true darkness, that my adoptive father Bob protected me through with his love, and his having introduced me to his love of the natural world — which I share wholeheartedly to this day. You
A tragedy in monotestra form! I’m duly impressed, Rob.
You know I have dark rob that lives within me Bev. I now know his name is Joseph Tieke, my real birth name, before it was stripped from me, when I was abandoned to the orphanage in Cincinnati in 1947 — and concealed from me 74 years, until this summer. My daughter broke through the wall of deception this summer via DNA, and found all the truths AND lies of my birth — my real birth name, the names of my birth parents, the fact I am the oldest of 8 siblings — and the only one ever abandoned. Joseph Tieke is my dark side, and occasionally he needs to come out to play.
Oh the pain of this sears. I like the twist of the double rhyme in the final stanza. Even that is not paired, like her, each on their own, all alone.
That ending Raivenne, was the more powerful one, the only one that respected the tragedy of suicide. The sing-song nature of a pure monotetra final line I felt minimized the tragic loss of human life to the act of suicide. I like the was you expressed the impact it had on you. Excellent perspective!
A mournful and tragic tale, Rob. You picked the perfect song to go with it. Hold on!
Might have easily been my tale Lisa, if it weren’t for the love of my adoptive father, and his introducing me intimately to the natural world — and my finally finding someone special with whom to share my love of the natural world. This is not some deeply buried cry for help, that cry is long squelched ancient history. “Everybody hurts, but hold on”
So poignant and heartbreaking that at extreme depths, some are pushed to commit suicide as they feel there is no other way. As Raivenne and I were discussing on her poem, there is a pattern going on here with dark poets (like us) going darker with the Monotetra form. It’s interesting to see that with the prompt.
Such a tragedy that happens when one is pushed to the point to take their life. It breaks my heart that people suffer to that extent and I emphasize greatly. You wrote this beautifully, Rob, and I liked how you played around with the form to make it your own, especially in the final line:
“said no goodbye – alone she died”
Again, it just breaks my heart. Such visceral, stunning writing that hits you where it hurts. The title is very clever too.
Thank you Lucy. I appreciate your gracious words, and ongoing support of my work. I am generally not a fan of poetic forms, though I do like to include random rhyme in my work from time to time. Used temperately, I feel it can elevate a piece. That said, I think rigid poetic form has the potential to stifle ones writing. The impact can dissipate in the service of the form. However, while it will never be my choice over free verse, I do think there is a bit of a classic, Poe-esque quality to this monotetra form. I personally like repetition for impact. I use it in many of my free verse pieces — albeit, less formally.
This has such a classic feeling to it, Rob! Exquisitely woven 🙂
Thank you Sanaa. The subject matter has significant meaning to me. Suicide rising in someone’s life is frequently so very hard to detect. And it leaves the survivors feeling stupid, guilty, angry, and so profoundly sad. If you love someone, and you notice an obvious shift in their demeanor — do not ignore it. Talk and talk, even it it irritates them — but talk from a place of love, not judgement. The feeling of regret for missing, or not recognizing the signs, is devastating. Sorry I rambled here Sanaaa.
This is so beautiful and powerful Rob. <3
Some years ago, when things were all just getting a bit much, I got in my car one night and drove the 2 hrs down to the beach and just stripped off and swam out and out. I didn't particularly have a plan, either to drown or to swim back. But it was a very dark night, and with every stroke little phosphorescent things glittered around me, leaving trails behind my hands like cold sparklers.
Wow, how absolutely powerful Kate, to allow yourself to be so free, free in the natural world — no destinations, no expectations, no judgements — wow… how spontaneously surrealistic — that’s brave, that is mind-blowing. You moving through the natural world, and the natural world interacting with you! That is so cool! You had become one with the sea, and it with you … incredible!! You were goddess of the sea in that context, in that environment. How did this journey end. It appears you came back — was that a hard decision, were you frightened or liberated. Liberated I do hope Kate… 🙂
My heart is broken Kate. I can no longer go out, and get lost, lost to commune with the natural world. My health and broken body does not allow it anymore. It feels like a kind of death — but I am still here. Just trapped. It’s a torment. You swim Kate, you strip and swim, and swim, and feel the glorious freedom of nature — because one day you will not be able to do so … and your heart will break.
Thank you Rob. 🙂
Yes, I came out liberated, slept in my car (which was extremely uncomfortable) and had another swim in the morning in my underwear and t-shirt and drove home.
I’m so sorry you can’t get out and get lost anymore. Certainly I will mourn it when I can’t swim out anymore. But at least I can close my eyes and remember the darkness and the cold water and the glitter streaming around me. And when things seem bad I remember the glitter as well so I don’t feel like I want to swim out and not come back.
I’m sure you must have memories that you can swim out into too, Rob.
Glad you came back to shore Kate. My memories of the breathtaking waters and gorgeous deep forests of my PacNW, sustain me pretty well, from my comfortable chair here in my art and writing studio — but I would give nearly anything to be able to hike, just one more time, deep deep into the paradise of old growth forest, or stand at a wilderness cliff’s edge, looking out over the mighty Pacific Ocean, as it stretched from far beneath my feet, out over the distant horizon.