So It Must (book of sorrows)

~ If you’re haunted and hurt by past silence, be brave — speak up. ~


Original DDE™ surrealistic art: “Shadow Self” by: rob kistner © 10/17/23
 

Hidden from the light of day
here my other self resides
though keeping to the shadows
I know my dark self abides

I feel him at times — I do
feel his dark thoughts
trying to push through

a darkling essence
scarred and damaged
sometimes so strong
barely managed

begotten in another time
another life
of pain and strife

come from far away
from another place
but this dark entity
did once wear my face

it is an anger
powerfully manifest
righteous
so long suppressed


Original DDE™ surrealistic art: “Dead Piñon Tree”
by: Georgia O’Keefe © 1943

like a dead bare greying tree
sorrow stole the light from me
life’s colors went grey and dead
no joy — only distress instead

like the barren branch
that sags and sways
these days
I still see the greys

still drawn to darkness
occasionally
sweet melancholia
holds allure for me

like jagged limbs
that wind’s stripped bark-less
life’s edges at times
still a ragged starkness

but my heart’s rebounded
considerably
though at times
it still seeks sanctuary
when gripping depression
makes it necessary
thank heavens
for my pharmacy

trust for me is hard
I am always wary

but I’m not stone
I live with family alone

I’m introspective to a degree
when I look inside of me
I see beyond the sorrows
gone are the haunting shadows

I see a man
who better understands
that life runs
on its own plans

and if your struggles
start really growing
try riding the horse
in the direction it’s going


Original DDE™ surrealistic art: “Breaking Out”
by: rob kistner © 10/18/23

I broke out of
my shadow’d shell
yet I know my dark self
pretty well
enough to know
it will always dwell

I’ve bartered
with my dark self
to feign command
to appear to have
the upper hand
I get to ask
the big questions
and make the big stands

such as

does this darkness
that coexists in me
cost me my dignity

I say not

I’ve a firm grasp
on my integrity
at least
to the best of my ability

I closed the book of sorrows
troubling pages
the worst of the storm
no longer rages

my scars are here
as my reminders
to never again
live in blinders

look evil square
between the eyes
see through the dark disguise
never let fear paralyze

I keep focused
on the bright tomorrows
I keep tightly shut
that big bad
book of sorrows

I embrace the love
and shun my crazy
and so it must
and will always be


Original DDE™ surrealistic art: “Book Of Sorrows”
by: rob kistner © 10/17/23

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rob kistner © 10/17/2023
Poems at: dVerse

 

20 thoughts on “So It Must (book of sorrows)”

  1. I can see this as a balance between darkness and dusk… I think we need a bit of sunshine as well or we will sink deeper down.

  2. I especially love these lines:

    “but this dark entity
    did once wear my face”

    “does this darkness
    that coexists in me
    cost me my dignity

    I say not”

    You really capture the “otherness” of the things that sometimes plague us. I am glad you’re keeping the book shut and focusing on bright tomorrows.??????????

  3. I think we all have a dark side, Rob. I like how you explored yours in this rhyming poem. I like these simile especially:
    ‘like a dead bare greying tree
    sorrow stole the light from me’
    and
    ‘like jagged limbs
    that wind’s stripped bark-less
    life’s edges at times
    still a ragged starkness’.
    These lines also speak to me:
    ‘I’m introspective to a degree
    when I look inside of me
    I see beyond the sorrows
    gone are the haunting shadows’,

  4. Your poem resonates with me. Dexter calls it his dark passenger, but Dexter got in the habit of letting his dark passenger do the driving. I do think that anyone who has suffered extreme trauma/neglect in their early years never quite sheds the maimed survivor that has gotten us to the present.

    1. You have to bring the entirety of that survivor along Lisa, otherwise you are denying part of yourself, which I tried to do early in my life — to bad consequence. However, it is essential to fully grasp the essence of the origin story of the dark self, and learn to understand and love the whole of that innocent self, and truly realize that it is to the benefit of the innocent self, to forgive the one who assaulted that innocent self, and to refuse to let the damage define the future, while embracing healing. This is all important, and far easier to say than to do. Fundamentally essential, given those earliest years between our achieving self awareness, and 5 to 7 years of age, do form the core foundation upon which we are built, and the lens through which we eee the world around us. We must then assume the responsibility to learn how to remove that faulty part of our foundation, or repairing the crack(s) in the lens of our perspective — without letting bitterness define our future. This is self-formulated wisdom, evolving from the wise and unwise things I have done in the nearly 77 years of my life — but I genuinrly believe it to be true. I feel I have achieved an 85-90% success rate in this ongoing endeavor, with the lion’s share of that evolving over the past 15 years.

  5. Powerfully communicated, Rob, these lines especially so brutally effective: “like jagged limbs
    that wind’s stripped bark-less
    life’s edges at times
    still a ragged starkness”

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