reflections to date on my 74 year journey
This poet’s lot is cast to wander
in search of life’s splendid unknown
step by step day after day
uncertain fate unfolds this journey
early steps of which
I trod alone
filled with wonder
joy
and awe
fraught with sadness
pain
and tears
it has carried me
‘cross countless boundaries
some surround me
some were within
transported me ‘cross time and space
brought me face to face
from place to place
real faces
real places
life’s shown me mysteries
marvels
magic
good & evil
the best
the least
I’ve been ignored
I’ve been betrayed
I’ve been abandoned
and then been saved
known times of little.
times of plenty
times of hunger
times of feast
it’s brought me pleasures
some fame some fortune
to claim them back
with no remorse
I’ve known satisfaction
a crowd’s joyous reaction
a woman’s true love
a beloved child’s passing
life’s been true and faithful
a joy genuine
to then turn away
and break my heart
it’s been fact
fiction
and contradiction
fantasy
and harshly real
l’ve been honored
as a man of standing
then pushed away
to cower in shame
once more alone
to save my name
I’ve traveled light
traveled fast
stumbled burdened
weighed with grief
I’ve lead and followed
lost my way
regained direction
to then lose faith
I keep it light
love real-time humor
my wit’s ironic
my heart’s bionic
I’ve walked hand in hand
with fear and death
stared down depression
to again be consumed
then arose once more
to venture forth
without a clue my destination
with no regard the fated outcome
of my plight — no consideration
been a hero
been a zero
but mostly
jus’ been a faulted man
long ago I tempered ego
having learned it’s of no use
despite whatever seem our difference
at the core we’re all the same
this realm we entered
all alone
and here we’ll leave
alone again
but all of this is of no matter
foolish so to dwell upon
not worth concern nor contemplation
keeping score a vain temptation
the blame — the fairness
the right — the wrong
the worrying a useless pressure
this poet’s learned
the truth of time
despite the pain
beyond the pleasure
it is this journey
that is the treasure
and how one makes it
the truest measure
rob kistner © 2021
Poetry at: dVerse
“And I am not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don’t mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There’s no reason for it, you’ve gotta go sometime. If you can hear the whispering — you are dying.” …Pink Floyd
https://youtu.be/95b7fEOFBa8
Rob, are Happy Birthday congratulations in order?? If so Happy Birthday. Looking at the quote you chose, I have to say you are in the “stronger at the broken places” category. Your strength is something others can draw from in their time of hurting or sorrow. I’m glad you are here at the pub to share from those remembered paths of sorrow that have led to your strength.
Thank you so much Lisa! 🙂 No birthday, that’s Feb 18th.
“I’ve traveled light, traveled fast–led and followed, lost my way” –this alone could fill a novella. This is heavy duty and very heartfelt. In a way, once again we’ve written parallel poems, from the guts, the core of each of us. “Write what you know” ; damn rights.
I went off on this one brother! This came pretty smoothly, once I opened up the memory banks. This is all what I know, and how I know it — in many places, truly jagged uglies are tamped down.
The journey will always lead one down many paths, it’s what builds character. All these pieces of life and self make up the complex beauty of being you.
I’ve been ignored
I’ve been betrayed
I’ve been abandoned
and then been saved
The saved is what keeps one going even when life feels painful.
A damn powerful write, it feels real as it comes from that place
called the heart.
If nothing else True, it is absolutely real, from my heart — it is a microcosm of my life. Bits and pieces of verse were scattered in writings over the years — but this was a full file dump, pulling it all together, and it downloaded without much struggle.
I see what you did there with the Kris K. walking contradiction partly truth and partly fiction spin! Anyway, if nothing ever broke our hearts, what would we write? Haiku?
Caught that eh Shay. Heartbreak is proof of life.
The journey is indeed the treasure. Have a good one!
Thank you Grace… 🙂
Strongly presented, detailed inventory Rob. Well done. Same road, here.
Thanks — our overlapping paths make us brothers Ron — couldn’t ask for a better bro!
I really love your thoughtful train of consciousness poem covering your 74 years Rob. You have learned many lessons that have helped you survive the broken and move one. So much good wisdom found in your words. Thank you for sharing this.
Like I told Helene earlier this week, your poem reminds me of Garth Brook’s song “The Dance”
Thank you Dwight! It’s me honestly spillin’ my guts.
“I’ve been ignored
I’ve been betrayed
I’ve been abandoned
and then been saved.”
Took me a couple years, and a strong hero to get me outta the orphanage — but he did it! And he stayed with me for the tumultuous years that immediately followed — and still beyond!
A standing ovation for this poem Rob. You’ve lived it all and truly come to understand the value of the journey. It looks like you got strong in the broken places. Bravo!
Thank you Ingrid for your magnanimously kind words. What Hemingway didn’t elaborate was that while every place one is broken may heal, ghost pains and soar stiffness linger — so depending on the day I feel from bad to worse… 🙂 A day when I feel entirely good for an entire day (or just most of the day) I can count on one hand in a year. One learns to dramatically lower one’s expectations! … it is amazing the degree and duration of pain one can live with each day. The very occasional moments of feeling whole and well are what gets one to get along. Ain’t life grand!
The Great Gig in the Sky is the perfect accompaniment for your words, Rob. “Why should I be frightened of dying?”
Whether laced with grace or tragedy, your journey has brought you this far and given you an understanding and appreciation for the life you’ve lived.
I think I am as much amazed that I am still here Ken, as I am enlightened! I lived fully and freely the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s — and most of that active in R&B or rock bands, frequently exclusively. During that time, I also began designing and building commercial club sound reinforcement systems, and custom home theaters — into this new millennium. During the end of my career, as a systems design consultant for Lucasfilm LTD, traveling the country, with my home office on Skywalker Ranch — until George sold his THX Division. I finished my career an independent, contracted A/V systems designer. Years spent “living wide open”, at peak stress, and accumulating many thousands of frequent flyer miles. Through it all, I am a poet and artist for 50+ years, traveling the country, when my wife, now my 30-year art partner, and I are able in the past 25 years— displaying and selling in juried art shows and festivals.
This is such a gorgeously poignant write, Rob! I applaud you. 🙂
Thank you Sanaa! 🙂
Your poem comes from a place of great wisdom, deep insight, life experience and AGE. Aches, pains all of it worth the telling.
Helen, appreciate your informed, and duly deserved insight. I figure since I busted my ass accumulating these scars and tales — I’m going to tell’em. 🙂
So much to love here… the journey is what makes it worth it. The end of the road is not really appealing to me.
Thank you Bjorn! I have a different attitude about that end than I might if I had my health. I want to live as long as I can for my grandson. Would like to see him graduate, or at least, enter high school. Graduation would occur in my 84th year so that is probably iffy for me — but he goes into high school in my 80th year. If everything goes really well, I might make that. But I live with a lot of chronic pain, so if I went before that, my pain would end — but I dream about being 84, because I would love to see my grandson Alex enter college.
a deeply personal and profound eulogy of life … the breaks do make us stronger! A powerful write straight from your heart Rob … best of luck with aiming for 84.
Love your music choice
Thank you Kate…! 🙂
Rob, this was such a heartfelt rendering of a life well-lived. Your strength lies in your ability to share your pain and sorrows, yet still, survive to tell the tale. This is a brilliant piece! <3
Thank you Colleen, you are most gracious… 🙂
Powerful crie de coeur Ron,. You conjured quite a piece here that will touch and inspire many, I’m sure…
Thank you Scott. I can feel things coming yo a conclusion for me, so I wrote this piece as a way to remember what my life has been — should the shadows cloud my mind before I captured these thoughts honestly, and to the point. If it inspires someone, all the better.
Great job on your autobiographical poem.
Thank you Ron!
All and all, a wonderful journey, it seems, and a life well-lived, Rob.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Merril!
What a marvelous write, Rob! Yes, stronger in the broken places like the Japanese Kintsugi.
Thank you Bev! 🙂 I love Kintsugi pieces, be they vases, plates, ceramic statues, whatver. The gold veins are just beautiful! The silver is also elegant on the right colored piece!
Gorgeous poem and soul-baring, Rob <3 So many ups and downs, and how beautifully you described them. I applaud your song choices too, I absolutely love all of those! <3
Thank you Sunra — this was my poetic catharsis! Yes, great tunes aren’t they… 🙂
An all=encompassing inventory, Rob. Great stuff; Thanks.
And I really appreciated the piece you read tonight at the Open Link. Different work altogether. Enjoy the dVerse Hiatus!
Thank you Ron, very much. With regard to the piece I read, “Your Car Sir” — there is some moment in every Father’s Day that I flash on a friend who took his life on this day — and whose dead body I found at the place we worked together. Never will forget that. I always asked myself what makes a person choose that “2nd car”. I completely understand feeling so distraught and grief stricken that one thinks about it, even makes it a life or death “decision”. I struggled with that decision one long dark weekend shortly after my 18-year-old son was killed. I had the means in hand, but I, coldly and logically, worked through a critical Ben Franklin list of pros and cons — and I never considered the possibility again. Too many people still here that I loved and who loved me, so I was lucky. Some are not. I learned after finding my friend’s body, if you hear someone using language about suicide, or seems to point in that direction — take it damned seriously! Take the time to gracefully be a friend. In total, I’ve known three who have ended it. After my friend took his life at work, after I was with him day after day, and knew of the reason he cited, and I knew he was really upset, because he told me so more than once — how the fuck did I not “get it”!? I ask myself frequently, and feel I failed to hear and understand.
Fabulous poetry and supporting music
Much????love
Thank you Gillena! Glad you enjoyed the music… 🙂
We are more than the sum of our parts, and you have conveyed your full and well-lived life well.
Thank you Kerfe! Yes, even our broken parts can add up to wisdom.
This is so good! I would have loved to hear you read it, I can imagine the rhythm, and the repetition is so effective.
Thank you Kate, very much. 🙂
it is this journey
that is the treasure
and how one makes it
the truest measure
Exhaustively great writing Rob! Cleverly placed rhyming at its best. You have a way with words certainly!
Hank
Thank you Hank, I appreciate your continued graciousness my friend!
I am rather awestruck by this write. I hope to live long enough to take a journey of this magnatude. thank you for sharing. i have been playing with a poem idea about ego you have inspired a first line. “what use an ego” with your reference in the stanza “long ago tempted by ego” thank you
Thank you Rog. I hope you plan to share your poem on dVerse. If not, post a link for me with your next comment on my blog, after you’ve completed it.