The Startled Man
this “she” was birthed
in his fractured dreams
helpless as a forest fawn
frail as a snowflake
falling on a May predawn
a captive
to his fearful heart
caught in his twisted fantasy
conjured by his crippled soul
his power is his fallacy
he needs her weak
for at his core
he’s filled with sour doubt
knows his time of tyranny
is quickly running out
threatened
he seeks to dominate
silences her rising voice
to keep her mute and under thumb
tries to deny her right of choice
with strengthened will
she finds her voice
speaks direct to what she sees
startled by her forthright way
he wants her back upon her knees
once a hollow woman-husk
with sorrow dark as growing dusk
whose spirit withered
in the dimming light
as nightmares swelled
night after night
whose tears once seared the barren land
now rebukes
his fisted hand
and walks away
from the startled man
~ ~ ~
rob kistner © 2012
‘woman husk’ is a powerful phrase inside this taut story..Jae
Great write for the prompt, Rob.
That’s nicely written and so much apt for the image prompt.
Filled with profound imagery with wonderful verses.
I loved the last stanza
“his courage is strained
to its final strand
as hope dies
for the startled man”
Eee…. Shades of a husband past, who I left long before he destroyed every breath I took. Shades of a husband past…who died trying.
Brilliant capture!
I like this Rob, not every story has a happy ending. There are plenty of permanent zombies among us, there is an end point to hope, but you are not among them, quite the reverse.
This poem teems with life and renewal, and hope looms large in it. You have evoked the polar opposite of what you “see”
Sadly, I’ve seen it happen.
And you captured it well here.
=)
Well done. It got my hackles up. This happens all too often. This lady needs to take herself back.
The image is hunting, yet beautiful. this was bitter and soulful poem, that made me feel sorry. you wrote the your MC’s very well.
interesting how you saw this as her being captive of some guy…you’re the only one who saw it that way!!
birth death its all the same
Actually zongrik, I envision this as far more complex than that. I did not see this as the serene emergence of fresh infancy/youth here. From the look of the face, I saw a ‘spent’ young woman leaving her shell (her constrained captivity) — a woman drained, perhaps of her vital nurturing feminine life force, by a man (or by a partner or by society), who has tried to parasitically keep her down. This is in fact her re-birth from that debilitating emotional captivity. She appears more resolved than serene in her emergence here, and saddened by having to give up on (denies her originally outstretched hand) the one she has endeavored to, and may still to some degree, love (or give up on a prejudiced repressive society) — as evidenced in the sallow look and plaintive expression on her face. The term “courage” in the final stanza is sarcasm, because the ‘entity’ who has kept her in this shell and drained her so, is in fact a coward. The ‘hope’ that has died is the ‘only hope’ the oppressor has ever had of knowing or understanding genuine love, and of the woman’s hope that the oppressor was able to receive real love. However, in that death, there is the rekindling of the hope for love in the heart of the woman oppressed here.
I so enjoyed. Thank you.
Extremely powerful words and poem. The bond between the man and woman that weds them at first and then comes unraveled is told with special sympathy and understanding. I enjoyed how you were able to understand both equally, each for themselves casting them in the light that makes each human, none victim.
Powerful write – very effective.
Anna :o]
Powerful piece, yin and yang and much, much more! You packed a lot of thought and emotion into these words, Rob.