This is my post for the Poetry Thursday, May 24th prompt: write a poem using dialog.
Author’s note: In “Sunset”, a couple sits on the Oregon coast, watching the sunset. The man has just learned of the passing of his friend since childhood. The woman tries to lift the emotions of the moment by pointing out the rich warm colors of the evening — the man is drawn to the dark, more somber hues. They both need this sunset. This piece is a simple study in contrast, the beauty of the sunset agaisnt the sadness of the loss.
Sunset
*
Speaking to the sky, she breathes, “It’s a beautiful sunset tonight!”
“Sunset always is out here”, is my quiet reply.
We sit at the Oregon coast.
We watch the autumn sun set into the Pacific,
filled with thoughts of our dear friend.
“Always is.” I repeat in a hollow voice.
She responds. “Absolutely awe inspiring —
the golds, ambers, and coppers are amazing!”
The fiery orb of the sun splashes into the western sea. The ocean goes molten.
Memories flow.
“Look at those waves sparkle,
they’re like facets of a golden diamond.”
She offers in a tone of wonder.
“The blues and purples are intense,” is my flat come back.
“The clouds, that coral and pink fire
against the vivid white — it’s breathtaking!”
she continues, voice lifting.
My soul stirs, more memories. “I knew Gary since we were kids, over fifty years.”
My voice quavers.
“So Hard to believe.”
My voice cracks.
Sliding close, she gasps, “Oh honey!”
“I do love sunsets!” I whisper through tears.
She looks into my eyes, searches my soul,
“I know my love, I know.”
She sighs, and falls quiet.
**
rob kistner © 2007
This is really lovely, and I like how in your author’s note you say that they both need this sunset — it forms a powerful relationship with the sunset also being an important figure — which you beautifully illustrate in your poem too. The dialogue is also tender and full of feeling — very believable. And the description of the colors of the sky and sunset are very pretty.
🙂
Clare –
Thank you!
Yes they both need a bridge, between, and to someplace beyond the pain, which they are each experiencing in their own way — he perhaps a bit more self absorbed that she. The sunset serves as both those bridges — and a third entity upon which they can both lean.
She is feeling his pain as well, so she needs to see the beauty this evening — to give her the strength to support him.
The colors are what we see here on the coast on evenings when there is thin broken marine cover.
NOTE: I have the spoken word version of “Sunset” recorded now. I will put it up on Image & Verse when my son is here to help me. 🙂
When someone you love is going through something as profound as losing a friend you want to say a thousand comforting things and often times struggle.
So the wife’s attempts to shift the focus to everyday certainties like the sunset is borne out of that struggle I think. She’s uncomfortable seeing him sad and is trying to make things right again the only way she knows how.
This poem is really beautiful.
Lisa 🙂
Lisa –
Thank you!
Yes, she is trying to bring some normalcy into, what is at this time, an impossible situation for her husband. Not only has he lost a lifelong friend, he is probably in touch with his own mortality very keenly in this matter.
The wife’s love is profound because she is also feeling loss, but suppressing that in caring for her husband’s needs. She is a remarkably strong woman.
Same thing, different perceptions. I liked this very much. But there is nothing jarring here. As Clare said, sunset acts as a bridge.
Gautami –
Thank you!
The moments of life are a matter of perception. It is how our perceptions align that determines the nature of our relationships.
Beautiful words – and you have a beautiful voice, also. Grief is such a hard subject to work through and you have portrayed it so well in what is hidden by the few words of the conversation.
Hi Rob,
I’m impressed with this offering… I couldn’t manage a dialogue piece, but this one flows. Thanks for sharing.
And, may I tell you how much I LOVE that you have added the spoken word section… hearing you read the poem enriched my experience of it!
Jeanie –
Thank you and thank you!
It is a somewhat inward male, trying to work through the shock of grief — and a women who loves him very much, trying to nurture him while she represses her grief. The strong woman.
I thought having them avoid talking about it would say a great deal. I am very pleased that perspective worked for you as well.
Sasha –
I am glad you enjoyed the work.
I was a vocalist for more than 20 years, and did voice-over for commercials as an aside — so I really enjoy doing the spoken word performances. It pleases me that it added to your experience!
Hi Rob, you have a great voice, it tastes like dark chocolate. 😉
Beautiful poetry, so vivid that I could see the colors and feel your soul.
Rose
xo
Sunset is just the perfect setting for this!
I have experienced moments very much like this one, it felt very real, the communication between people sharing grief.
Rose –
Thank you very much!
Wow — I like dark chocolate… 🙂
Juliet –
Yes, it felt like it had to be sunset — for so many reasons.
D. R. –
Thank you for the compliment.
Yes, I’ve known a couple too many moments like this. I drew upon a recent one for the feel of this piece.
Rob, this poem seems so real – I can see it all in my mind’s eye. It speaks to so much human emotion – the joy and wonder at nature’s beauty in appreciation of the sunset; the metaphor of the sun setting on someone’s life and the inability to fully appreciate its beauty, being infused with grief by a great loss. Really well done!
I can picture every line of this. Especially since I know what you look like in the picture. The ocean, the woman (who might be your wife). The sadness and tears when Gary comes up. This topic really fit you. I had a lot of trouble with mine. It reads more like a children’s rhyme than a poem. The loss of a friend is a terrible thing for anyone to go through, but after all that time it must be much more unbearable. Thanks for sharing.
This is a lovely piece — the woman’s descriptive dialogue is breathtaking.
Great delivery and a you have a fantastic voice ~ very exotic to a Brit like me 🙂
Oh, golly- that was beautiful, Rob. I listened to your poem after I read it and it so touched me…
Things never really look the same after you’ve lost someone you love… I know…
This felt very authentic. A moment of shared grief and shared beauty.
Wow. Beautiful, Rob, and from your heart. Thanks for sharing that sacred moment.
I too lost a good friend recently and our partners can be so creative in helping us out of the dark. Very touching dialogue and contrast Rob. Your voice is very soothing and goes so well with this poem. I’m profoundly sorry for your loss. OOOO
So powerful. The imagery amazing. Not only could I close my eyes and see what is described, but I could feel your pain the your words. Isn’t it interesting how even though our lives seem to stop when we experience a loss, nature keeps on moving…if only to give us something to believe in when our belief is gone.
Rob, I love your voice, I can see why you were able to do voice overs. This poem was easy to relate to, it was real life.
Tara –
Thank you!
The middle of last year I lost a lifelong friend. Kathy and I went to the coast, to seek the solace of our favorite rocky beach, and lose ourselves in the sounds and regenerative power of the Pacific Ocean.
This piece recalls that time.
Chris –
Thank you very much!
Yes, it was my wife Kathy by my side, as she always is.
The longer one lives, the deeper the friendships become that do endure — and the deeper the cut when that friend is lost.
However, the richer and sweeter the memories!
Jessica –
Thank you!
The descriptions of the Pacific Ocean at Fall sunset on the Oregon coast come in droves — and come easily.
Claire –
I thank you!
I find the many vocal sounds of your country most appealing. I have several friends from England. A couple, with whom my wife Kathy and I often golf, are from Nottingham.
I love to sit an chat with them when we’ve finished our round. Their voices sound so lyrical to me.
Regina –
Thank you!
We have bits of who we are that are extended with the meaningful friendships we enjoy. It hurts when that precious piece of us is severed — compounded by the profound loss of the joy our active participation with that friend afforded us through the years.
A loss of this kind stirs our sense of mortality as well — and whatever ghosts that might conjure.
I am pleased you enjoyed my reading. It was fun to do.
Lisa –
Thank you!
The writing of this piece was drawn to the juxtaposition of the yin and yang of grief and beauty. Grief lives in the loss of beauty.
Chicklegirl –
You are most welcome.
The remembering was bittersweet, but it was also full of aliveness.
Thank you for your kind words!
Tammy –
My consolations to you!
I am pleased you identified with this piece – and that my voice touched you.
What would we do without our partners? I personally hope I never go there.
I think about that question from my wife’s perspective at times. I am 16 years her senior and given the propensity of women to live longer than men — I know she will likely have a period of mourning me.
I feel a strange sort of selfishness in that regard — guilt also that she will probably comfort me in my final years, and I’ll not be able to return that caring.
My heart’s wish is she remarries after my passing and has that comfort in her years of need.
Oh well, I just stayed a bit here.
Anyway, thank you for the kind words.
Beth –
Thank you! I appreciate your very kind words.
Life on this planet has the essential energy to pull us through time and again — even in the face of our despair and resistance.
The wonder of the Great Mandala, life’s circle, is inspiring and comforting — as is the sheer awesomeness of nature!
There is power in this connectedness of all things natural and temporal — great hope in the essence of this replenishment.
We can draw on its fullness when we are feeling empty.
Marcia –
You are most kind!
This piece was spun from a fiber of real experience.
I really got a kick out of doing voice over. I haven’t done any in a while. I used to promote my availability, but lost the momentum when I had my heart attack.
I was recently asked by a photographer if I would be interested. I think I might again.
It’s a beautiful piece. Poignant yet with a sparkle of hope, mixed with the warm love. Well written.
Beaman –
Thank you my friend.
This unfolded quickly in my head upon reading the prompt. The memory was still very present for me.
A beautiful piece Rob…
Now I’m really jealous of ‘how’ you got the audio player embedded like that. If you care, please do share!
Camille