•
it’s not so much we resent the hungry
no more than do we despise the poor
rather we avoid and dismiss them
with the dull cough of apathy
we find them disturbing and dangerous
they disquiet our comfort
we do not flow with the milk of kindness
our part is more the dark brandy of denial
we do however praise our stars
for their sensitivity toward the downtrodden
it makes the less fortunate more glamorous
and we like the hollywood sparkle it imparts to tragedy
• • •
rob kistner © 2010
I appreciate and applaud the sentiment behind this, though I stumbled on the rhythm – it feels as though it could stretch to a sonnet.
Thank you Viv, as always, for your candid feedback. I wasn’t going for rhythm rhyme of poetic form with this piece, it was an abstract stream-of-consciousness write, gleaned from a one-time harvest and assemblage of the words of the WORDLE offered as the prompt. This approach does not beget a comfortable tempo’d read, but I was going for a bit of discomfort as a part of the statement.
I may comeback to it in the future, as I do over and over with all my work, and examine a more rhythmic, lyrical piece — even look at it from the perspective of a sonnet. But this, as it is, is what I want here and now… 😉
This wordle was worth the wait . I am glad I checked back. Clear message. I liked the contrast between the dark brandy of denial and the milk of kindness.
Thank you Mary for the ind words… 😉
hi, rob! thanks for writing with us again this week!
You are most welcome Carolee… 😉
I’m glad you’ll come back to this – I agree, a poem is never finished unless it’s abandoned in despair, and even then there are usually bits that can be re-cycled!
I understood your free-verse intentions, and the deliberately discomfiting structure, but there’s a whole heap more potential in this poem, fighting to see the light of day. I would love to read what you come back to it with. (sorry about the awful grammar: I’m tired.)
Viv – Promise I will alert you in the event I expand upon this piece… it’s likely, should I do so, some of the words from the Wordle prompt may be abandoned in the favor of a fresh free write… 😉
The repetition of “we” throughout is a powerful tool.
I am pleased you reacted to that thread Deb, as it was an intentional device of unifying emphasis. “We” all share responsibility for the way the less fortunate are treated and cared for, or not card for — as might be the case. At the same time, the use of ‘we’ also serves the subtle purpose of somewhat depersonalizing the nature of our participation in this responsibility – as some of us tend to hide out under the umbrella of “we” and shirk any genuine personal involvement.