Union

 

…inspired by a prompt at Sunday Scribblings, this is essentially a spontaneous first draft of a piece I’ve written featuring a current ‘self’ talking to a past ‘self’ seeking union as a better future ‘self’…

…I will continue to edit this work in place here until I am satisfied with it…

…here is edit #1 in which I create a one-on-one conversation between ‘past self’ (bold) and current ‘self’ (italics) – the original draft of the piece follows this edit #1…

Union

edit #1 draft

•

there is a darkness
slinking
in the corridors of yesterday

you have known its presence
encountered its essence
felt its grip

it frightens me
because it is me

a bygone you

but it frightens me
because it is

because it is so devious
debilitating

all-consuming
if granted license

it lurks in shadow
collecting

collecting the dark matter
that steals into my life

it bleeds into my heart
all the grief
the pain

all the terror
that had ensnared me
in times of weakness

the empty blackness
that had enshrouded you

it has found a corner
of my soul
in which to hide
to sulk

to secure a foothold
like an awful seed
taking root

here it dwells
it seeks to grow

but now restrained
in this
your time of strength

kept in check
by your decent self

by our self

our decent self
that loves
encourages
supports
that embraces possibility

your sacred self
that has bid me come
that now fosters our empowerment

my inner-dwelling light
does not always shine
so bright

does not always hold sway
nor control
my inner darkness

but my inner darkness
has great cunning
powerful influence

it is
at times
quite un-containable

your darkness
has fed upon the horror
visited upon you

the betrayal
the abuse
the unthinkable loss
that has compounded
and festered

that has become animate
as if an entity
unto itself

it has gripped
and driven me
to be distraught
despaired
vengeful
unforgiving

driven you
in years gone by

to a perverse
unholy
bitterness

you were wholly unable
to fend off
the clutches
of that malevolence

it was
on occasion
far easier for me
even desirable
to succumb
to the dark forces
that promised relief

you were falsely enticed
by imagined satisfaction
but you now know

yes
I know now
there is no quick release
from the pain
from the sorrow
it is an inherent component of life

you must endure
we must endure

together

and be tempered invincible
by our endurance
fired in the crucible of our resistance

but
the inner-dwelling darkness
will ever seduce
its tug is powerful

I pray
here tonight
that you stay with me

move forward with me
into the light
of a new day
of fresh possibility

but I am swept
from time to time
by bittersweet memory
of those who’ve gone

easily overwhelmed
by the sorrow of my loss
our loss
I’m haunted by my misdeeds

so I pray
that you now stand
evermore at my side
our backs turned to the darkness past

I pray it does not sense
that you and I
are vulnerable

does not prey upon
my lingering distress
that falls shadow-like
across our soul

that veils
my resolve
your courage

I pray
that the black void
does never again
birth the despair
the rage
that has beseiged you
my other

your alter
your angry past self
that I so fear

shoulder to shoulder
heart to heart
we now stand in union
to welcome the dawn
of our reawakening

together as one

to become the single soul
that awaits
just over our horizon

listen

it calls to us

 

• • •

 

original draft

•

there is a darkness
slinking in your past
concealed in the corridors of yesterday

you have known its presence
encountered its essence
felt its grip

it frightens you
because it is you
a bygone you

it frightens me
because it is

because it is
so very devious
sinister
debilitating

all-consuming
if granted license

it lurks in shadow
collecting

collecting the dark matter
that steals into your life
bleeds into my heart

all the grief
failure
pain

all the terror
that had ensnared you
in times of weakness

all the empty blackness
that had befallen you

that has found a corner
of our soul
in which to hide

to sulk

to secure a foothold
like an awful seed
taking root

here it seeks to grow

here it dwells
now manacled and restrained
in this
our time of strength

kept in check
by our decent self

our self that loves
encourages
supports

that embraces possibility

my sacred self
that has bid you come
to be nurtured

that now fosters our empowerment

but

my inner-dwelling light
does not always shine
so bright

does not always hold sway
nor control
our inner darkness

our inner darkness
has great cunning
powerful influence

it is
at times
quite un-containable

this darkness
that has fed
upon the horror
that has been visited upon us

the betrayal
the abuse
the unthinkable loss

that has compounded
and festered

that has become animate

as if an entity
unto itself

that has gripped
and driven you

distraught
despaired
vengeful
unforgiving

driven you
in years gone by
to a perverse
unholy
bitterness

wholly unable
to fend off
the clutches
of this malevolence

it was
on occasion
far easier for you

even desirable

to succumb
to the dark forces
that promised relief

falsely enticed
with imagined satisfaction

but you now know
there is no quick release
from the pain

from the sorrow
that is an inherent component of life

you must endure
we must endure
together

and be tempered invincible
by our endurance

steadfast

fired in the crucible of resistance

but

the inner-dwelling darkness
will ever seduce

its tug is powerful

I pray
here tonight
that you stay with me

move forward with me
into the light
of a new day

of fresh possibility

we are swept
from time to time
by bittersweet memory
of those who’ve gone

we can be overwhelmed
by the sorrow of our loss

haunted by our misdeeds

but I pray
that you now stand
evermore at my side
back turned to the darkness past

I pray it does not sense
that you and I
are vulnerable

does not prey upon
your lingering distress
that falls shadow-like
across our soul

that veils
your resolve
our courage

I pray
that the black void
does never again
birth the despair

the rage
that has begotten you
my other

my alter

my angry past self
that I so fear

shoulder to shoulder
heart to heart
we now stand in union

to face the dawn
of our reawakening
together as one

to become the single soul
that awaits
just over our horizon

listen
it calls to us

• • •

rob kistner © 2009