Wedges
•
he was slicing wedges
prepping for the night crew
when the stranger entered
walked quietly to the bar
it happened fast
no one saw him draw
the shot traumatized the patrons
no one saw his face
he vanished into the evening
before anyone comprehended
the frail thread of life
severed in a heartbeat
• • •
rob kistner © 3/1/11
…written for Magpie Tales
sharp, engaging and captured the speed and essence of a brisk act, really liked the closing lines.
Wow! Interesting take on the photo .. wedges, I’ve sliced many of these. Scotch over ice with a wedge of lemon … not sure it’s worth losing my life though.
I love the suspense in this one. Chilling!
Lemony noir. I love this!
I really liked that I saw what you didn’t say
very good..nice flow of words
Such depth, such evil lies within and slips out, yet a stranger in the night.
Swift and deadly. I like it!
A Tucsonan, I am still haunted by our recent mass-shooting. This chilled.
Here’s my take:
http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2011/03/02/ideal-afternoon/
Quick and brutal as the story it’s telling. Admirable work.
Bloodthirsty Magpie! 🙂
Loved the darkness of this piece, and noir it was, giving us the chill of recognition, how tentative is
our lives, our luck, our loves.
Your blog has a terrific jazzy feel to it, like hanging out at the bar on PETER GUNN.
Again, somehow this was unexpected.
Succinctly satisfying! Ya got me….!
Dear Rob: I love “the frail thread of life” it is a very poignant line! Very conceptual!
Tragic and well crafted scene …
Rob, you are a man of few words, all very telling. This is fast, dramatic, tight, and tragic. Well done!
Glad you like it Joann… 🙂